Pandora's Aquarium: conflicted,hurting, sad...all rolled into one - Pandora's Aquarium

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just soooo sad...tomorrow is the most dreadful day of all. Every year for trishs birthday I would bake a cake (better than sex cake, her favorite)...she would open the present i got her like a kid at christmas...she was just so excited. God its just awful...
I just feel so invisible, like would it matter? I feel like my opinion never matters because no one listens to me anyway....i just feel cruddy so none of this makes sense...I just wish things were normal, I was not in pain, I didnt lose one of the most important people in my life. :(/>
If Patti and rick werent in my life things would be so different. they have helped me so much, they are just wonderful!!...i get mad at myself because i dont know how to repay them for all that they have done. I get mad at myself because I should be able to live on my own...im an adult.. :gaah:/>

I feel like know one really knows how I am...I explain to them I cant verbalize,they tell me they understand, but then they get mad at for typing messages to them!!!! IM SOOOOOOO FED UP....
I feel like all I am doing is complaining about how much pain im in right now....gahhhh...
 

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