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Just a life update

Posted by Kat12345 , 12 January 2013 · 157 views

Well a little over the past month has been really hard for me. I found some very exposed pictures of myself that were taken of me while I was asleep on my sisters husbands phone (Obviously pictures that I had no clue about until I saw) To make it worse I found them on my birthday; November 15th. I knew I had to tell someone so I took a video with my phone; of his phone scrolling through the pictures. I had been through things too many times and no one had ever listened because I didn't have any "proof" so I knew I had to get some sort of proof this time. I had a therapy appointment the next day anyways and told my therapist. She called CPS and the cops and they took my away sent me to a friends for a couple days but before I left they kept me there until past midnight interviewing me about the pictures and they took my phone. Then a couple days later CPS made me go live with my adoption parents. Not ONCE did they ask my opinion (I know I was a minor but I was 17 and I feel like I should have at least got to say how I felt even if they apposed and made the final desicion) But they also NEVER asked why I hadn't lived with my parents since I was 14. So I moved from Phoenix AZ to Payson AZ to live with my parents who I never thought I would have to be with again; I had to change high schools at 17 half way through 11th grade and start over, I had to be a hour and a half away from my sister and niece who were my whole world and worse of all I was stuck with my parents. Now my parents act like I did something wrong, they blame me because I used to sleep on the couch instead of up stairs in my room and they think that if I would have been upstairs none of this would have happened but what they don't understand is I couldn't stand sleeping up stairs because that was the SAME room that my cousin snuck into my bed and raped me in almost every night for over 7 months straight; and that is why I spelt down stairs. My parents treat me like shit and they act like I did something so terrible because I told what I found. I know that having the cops around has been hard on everyone in the family but I did NOT do something wrong by telling my therapist. I have always felt guilty about saying anything bad about anyone in my family even if they were my abusers because I felt like a trader well not this time. I am not going to carry the guilt for something that is not my fault. My parents try to make me feel like crap for telling but for once I can say with pride that I know I did the RIGHT thing by telling my therapist. I don't know how much longer I will have to be here but its so hard putting up with them. They act like its so unfair that they are stuck with me and like its so tough with me here, they often tell me that everything that has happened is my fault. My sister has always been everything to me and they say that they don't think she will ever want anything to do with me again. I know that is not true, my sister is amazing and is the only person who is always there for me but when they say things like that they make me feel like I am nothing and they know that saying that hurts me so much and puts a fear that she wont love me in my head. My mom doesn't let me go anywhere or do anything; I am 17 years old and she wouldn't even let me walk home from school and she barley lets me leave the house to go in the back yard. I don't have a room so I can't get away from them. I can't stand it here. They are ALWAYS talking bad about people in my family, they are always making comments about how "everything is my fault" and they are always complaining about me. I used to try to be the person they wanted me to be but I was never good enough so I am DONE trying. I have realized that I will NEVER be good enough for them so why try; I am going to talk how I want to talk, do what I want to do, dress how I want to dress, say what I want to say, and be who ever I want to be because I am DONE trying to be who they want me to be. I am done with them thinking they can control me because the CAN'T control me anymore. I can't stand them or being around them. They cant stand each other. They argue about stupid shit, they complain about anything they can think of and they treat me like I am nothing. School is my ONLY escape and I some how managed to raise EVERY one of my grades since this all happened and got 3 A's on my semester report card. There has been some benefits of living here as far as school but I want more than anything to go home. I just want to move on and get over this and I just want my life back again. For a couple months I was truly happy for the first time in my life and then all of this happened and its been really hard but I have been handling it EXTREAMLY well and mature and I just need to fund a way to get the hell out of here ASAP because I feel like they are making me crazy.

July 2016

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