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my middle name has been changed to 'stress'

Posted by bluetara , 11 December 2012 · 38 views

sigh.



the past few week has been filled with a lot of activity and stress and it really causes me to think about how i truly need to come up with a stress 'safety plan' to better cope with it all.

about a week ago, my kitty cat developed some alarming behaviors that seem to have originated from a flea infestation a couple of months back. after a weekend of dog-sitting, my home became infested with fleas. my friend didn't seem to realize that his house was in bad shape with the fleas and thought he had it managed with natural remedies.

the flea problem was so bad at my apartment that i had to stay for a week in hotels until the exterminator came to rid the home of the flea issue. turns out that my kitty is severely allergic to fleas, the fleas are still lingering and are resistant to Frontline. I was able to haggle my vet for a free examination and medications due to the fact that i am broke as a joke. thankfully, the vet came through, as i was in the position where i had to consider re-homing the poor guy. i'm happy to say that WILL NOT be happening, we will be able to spent our first holiday together in good health.

over the weekend, i developed a very painful infection in my finger. my middle finger was swollen three times its normal size and felt as sore as a toothache might. when the pain started to spread to my wrist and forearm, i ended up seeking help at the ER. it didn't take long for me to be seen and they performed emergency surgery on my finger to help relieve the infection. the procedure was incredibly painful, despite the fact that they numbed up my finger.

i have been taking pain meds since and i have discovered that they cause me to feel very irritable, forgetful, and tired. the only reason i am taking them is for the pain and i have no idea why anyone would want to use these drugs recreationally. they are not fun. i can't wait until my finger feels better so i can stop taking them.

i am actually impressed with how well i am now able to type without the use of my middle finger, since it is all bandaged up. i have been stressed out by the limitations though. i can't get my finger wet, so dishes are awkwardly done. i even had to hand-wash some of my clothes and that wasn't easy to do one-handed. the clothes couldn't be wrung out properly, and i was getting overly frustrated with it.

michael and i have been touchy with one another and conflict has been making its way into our dynamic based on some externalities involving a lack of money. i am waiting on money to come in for the holidays that will help us be able to pick up a few things that we need. michael had to pay a boat load of money for utilities last month, due to the fact that our roommate has been using her space heater quite a bit. this ate up a majority of his check he got and we're waiting until friday for things to level out with his finances.

we're both smokers, and we have been put in the uncomfortable position to have to go a day or two without cigarettes. this has been another stress on top of everything else. we really know better than to smoke, yet, we are addicted and went through withdrawal for a couple of days, and on top of my pain med irritability, the cat being sick, and me not being able to fully use both of my hands to get chores done has been rough.

i even made the mistake of thinking that my appointment with my T was today. i rushed from the vet to the bus stop, waited for the bus and nothing came. i called my T to complain about the lateness and to explain that i would get there asap. when i looked at my calendar on my phone, i discovered that i actually have the appointment tomorrow! i called her back and she told me i could have come in either day. she's great and i am hoping that we can tackle an important trigger in EMDR. especially since this is our last appointment of the year and i will be back in my hometown to visit family and friends for the holidays. this trigger has some bearing on how i feel around my family during the holidays, so i hope we can do something about it to see if it helps.

with the cat being sick, it looks like i'm going to have to bring my cat for a part of the visit too. i would ask my roommate to take after him, but the fact is, he needs to get medication a couple of times a day by way of syringe dropper, as well as benadryl two times a day for his flea allergies. my roommate just started seeing this guy and they are in the honeymoon phase. she has dropped the ball recently on doing things around the house, replacing things that are used and shared by all (we take turns buying the essentials) and has been spending a great deal of time with this new man. i don't know if i can rely on her to help with the cat, so i'm going to have to take him with and have him travel back down with michael when he is done visiting his family in our hometown.

so yes, i still have holiday cards to make for my family. i haven't had time with all of these happenings, especially since my middle finger is all bandaged up and it makes it difficult to draw, but i have to do that and pack two weeks of stuff, including laundry, for the visit.

i really can't wait until things quiet down. i am going to come back to this entry at a later date and see if i can figure out from what i wrote how to best deal with stress and change. i think my coping skills in this realm are not as great as they could be. for me, all it takes is a lot of 'little' things to end up relapsing, so i gotta be on top of my game.

that is all for today. sigh.. i need to decompress now!

-bt



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