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Phantasm: Alice Never Loved Me

Posted by defiantinthedark , 22 November 2012 · 43 views

Cycles of emotional bondage repeat and repeat
Until we awaken and choose differently
Until we know today is not that moment from years ago
All I wanted was to be loved for my own sake

So many times I have lived the story of Phantom and Christine-
I thought she loved me! After all the kindness I shared with him...
I didnt want to fall in love again, but it's as if I was under a fairytale curse
Bound to live the fable again, a poppet with a regenerating heart

The first time, the first love-scar engraved
She liked me because my mother spoiled her at my behest
Her friend, in jealousy, told me the truth
Mocking my gentle love for her, the kind of love that only a small child can give

I wasnt enough
For Alice, Alice with blonde hair
I stood in front of her house in the rain, drenched, a whispy six year old
She wouldnt let me in; I wept in the icy rain knowing the truth

My own grandfather, whom because I had no one else I loved
But I was just a toy to him, he was only using me
Again my heart shattered before I had even reached middle school
Too many times I have given everything to the one who would toss me aside on a whim

Even in recent years and months I have fallen again
Loving some lovely willowy big-eyed wonder- who would never, ever, ever see me as more than friend
If even that... too often I have been reduced to doting
Used, used, used, is that my only worth? Is that all Im good for?

Is my only worth what I can do for some one- how I can serve their needs?
I just wanted to be loved for my own sake
But I have never been enough for anybody, not for anyone in the world
Not even for myself, it seems

I am a ghost, starved for a sense of being alive
Can someone bring me to life?
I am a wraith, restless for yearning for something unnamed
Can someone show me a joy in living?

Oh- to wait for another is to rot to dust
Out of the opera cellar, and into a night lit by ghost orbs and sullen faces
No one sees me, I wonder if I am really here
There comes now the sweetest sunrise

The new-born sun gives me a tender warmth that a human heart never has

Tell me no lies

For Alice never loved me

Alice never loved me

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