Pandora's Aquarium: Month 1 of Vagina Physical Theraphy - Pandora's Aquarium

So as I have gotten older have I have begun to take care of my body maybe the way I should have when I was younger. Despite all the rapes I went thru in my live I was always a little sexual promiscious which is odd because Sex HURT me alot. it felt good at the same time, but I could never no matter how small or thing or short in time duration the pain I was getting from sex. After going a year without any sexual penetration at my late 20s I told a doctor about when I began to re explore my sex life. And I had more pain during sex then ever before even crossing my legs was starting to maek something uncompfortable. I tried to have casual sex partnes and just forget about the sex, maybe even self medicate the pain with marijuanna and cocaine, even klonopins. but nothing really helped when i told the doctor about the pain she send me to a physical therapist.
I was like WHAT?? Vaginal Rejuivanation theraphy was the only joke that came to my mind about goingto physical theraphy for my vagina muscles. I have been going for a while. I learned that my pain wasnt normal, and it was caused from scar tissue deep inside me where my insides had apparently been torm apart and healed themself back together, thus forming the scar tissue. I cry every time I am there because i know how I got the scar tissue. My birth father didnt care, and i thought I got my period end o 3 beginning of 4th grade, that wasnt it, I learned i was probably bleeding from the rapes, and my family was ingnoring the issue because even if it had been my period the nurse explained i was too young so htey should have brought me to my pediatrician. so the neglect and abuse trend of my life doesnt shock me when i learned that. SO i look back at my 5th grade graduation, and i was bleeding alot, and my mother didnt even allow me to go to my own graduation. when i bleed during 3 4 or 5th grade I was just kept home frm school. now working with the most amazing physical therapist i am laerning to work not just thru the emotional stuff we all have a hard time dealing with, but we are working to get my body able to experience pleasure. I started seeing a guy and told him on the first date i was doing physical thearaphy for that. we did so much more play after 90 seconds in me i had a great orgasam. everytime i tensed up he stopped rubbed my head reminded me I was safe and I let go in a way i didnt know I had in me. Finally at 30 I am learning to trust the person I am with. which i s difficult because I dont hand trust out easily. and with each theraphy session i learn how much that man who was my father just didnt care how much he hurt me.