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Ch Ch Ch Changes

Posted by Slower , 06 June 2014 · 13 views

Ch Ch Ch Changes Long time since I have written here.  I have changed in so many ways over the last year or so.  Life has changed.
I write all of the time in my quest to finish my book.  I have learned so much about myself in the process.  I have traversed my life experiences, the people who have crossed my consciousness, the emotional atomic blasts that have forever changed the landscape of my life.  I have learned a great deal of things.  I have awoken deep questions about myself, the world, and the people that I have shared experiences with.  I have learned that I have very few answers-- tons of questions.
I have become a much harder person in the last couple of years.  I don't like that characteristic in myself but it is quite like a bell that can't be un-rung.  I think once a person has developed a cache of hurt, personal violation, and betrayal... I think one can't help but have a bit of cynicism.  I do try to not allow it to be my prevailing outlook on the world and life. I often fail quite miserably. 
I feel like folly for the wicked more often than I feel like a viable and valuable person.  I try to remind myself that not even I have the power to evaluate my value or validity as a person.  Heaven knows that other people are not the best judge either; I would be what others would relinquish to the lost and found bin at the bottom of a forgotten shelf.  I have learned that I must allow God alone to determine my worth as a human.

July 2014

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