Pandora's Aquarium: I WANT TRUTH! - Pandora's Aquarium

A while back I had put in one of my status updates: " Truth--The most feared weapon to those who profess to have pure and genuine motives." I believe that a great deal today. I also feel that it is a terrifying prospect to those who have some terrible truth to hide; one that would make their lives very uncomfortable if it were to be known.

I started off saying all of that because it seems that yet again I wrestle with my inability to sit back and do nothing when someone gets hurt by lies being allowed to perpetuate.

I have recently been hurt. I was kidnapped and raped while on the job as a cab driver. Because there was sooo much physical evidence, the rapist decided to say that something really did happen but that it was consensual-- lie.

The D.A. is saying because of my mental health history and some health issues that she could not win the case in court. She wants to offer him a plea that would allow him just 4 years probation, no more jail time, and he would not have to register as a sex offender. The plea would throw out the rape and kidnapping charges and basically be assault and battery of an aggravated nature-- lies.

I have this thing in me. I can know that I'm about to get my ass handed to me. I can know that those whom want to perpetuate lies are holding all of the cards, I can't stop myself from fight to death when I feel that something is wrong. I have been hurt so badly so many times because this part of my nature.

My therapist is worried about me carrying this all the way to trial because of the things the defense attorney will say and do once he finds out my diagnosis. He thinks that I will not be able to handle the stress of it being written up in the paper and such.
I just can't fathom or accept that the truth will be hidden.

The D.A. and detectives have asked me what I would like to see happen to my rapist/ kidnapper (jail, prison or such). I honest to God don't care. If he would just tell the truth, I could get a little peace.

I know that having myself torn apart in court will be horrible. I don't want to have to do that.

How can I ask for truth if I'm not willing to submit myself to it as well?

I'm about the most forgiving person in the world. How am I to be able to forgive and move on from something that is never even acknowledged?

There are so many things and times in my life that still hurt me greatly because the people who hurt me were never willing to say "I'm sorry. I screwed up. I was wrong. I did wrong." Those words have so much healing in them, yet I can't ever seem to get them. This time I'm ready to fight to the death for the truth to be spoken and heard.