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Lost my way?

Posted by Slower , 12 November 2012 · 10 views

I'm sad. No, maybe I'm hopeless or disillusioned?

I was once such a believer in the basic goodness in humans. I believed that for the most part humans wanted, no, they needed to have TRUE connections with other humans in order to survive. What about Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Alas, I am now convinced that for the most part humans now are so busy being concerned with themselves and what advances their interests and desires they have lost the ability to see anyone's perspective whom stands further than a centimeter from the bridge of their own nose.

What does one do when one has so lost faith in fellow humans that one becomes practically muted in order to not interact with them? I have been so hurt by so many people. I am now scared of those whom would claim to set out to help me. I have learned that not all people who say they care are genuine. I have learned that not all stories from those who claim to be survivors of abuse are accurate as well.

Sometimes if someone was "trying to help" me, it was more about their issues and need to play a role. When I no longer met that need or grew tiresome.. they hit the bricks so to speak.

IDK, I really do not much like the new quiet me. I feel lost. I just know that the world has no use for someone who is so hurt, broken, and matter of fact.

I can say I have felt like you in the past. Before meeting my ex-husband, I was a glass over-flowing kind of person. I believed that people always wanted to be better than they are, and that is what got me into trouble.

And I also fit into your negative category. Eventually I couldn't not talk about being SA as a child, so when I talked about it, it was just a neighbor, a fictitious friend of my father's who didn't exist. It was a long time before I was able to tell anyone that it was actually my father who abused me. Too much shame. I felt disgusting.

There are good people in the world who can help you when you need it. I have a few in my life at the moment, and we have been a great help to each other, and they have never left me, even when I was sure they would.

Soometimes life can be hard, but it will get better.

April 2014

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