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Posted by jackie19 , 01 November 2012 · 13 views

I'm so mentally unhealthy...i always think and wonder what i would of been like if i wasn't molested for so many years,i know its not my fault that it happened to me,i just want to have a healthy normal relationship with the man i love with all my heart.I cant but help feel like what happened to me is holding me back from true happiness.I feel so upset because i don't trust him...i feel like i don't even deserve to be loved by anyone. I'm so insecure to the point that if he barely looks in a girls direction i freak out!uuuhhgggg i hate how i am:(...they say it doesn't last for ever...it doesn't feel that way to me...

It's understandable to have a difficult time trusting others, even people you love. I have been through too many situations in my life that have left me with similar trust issues and similar feelings as yourself. I spoke to someone on RAINN recently and they helped me to realize that everything I have been thinking and feeling is normal, but it's something that I can heal from and work on changing, as can you, it will take time and effort, but you can heal. There are so many ways to find healing and support: chats, forums, crisis helplines, counseling, group therapy, and many other ways to cope. Art, writing, yoga, meditation, and baking are all good ways to cope and heal as well; these things also help you look within yourself and find your inner strength and in time, they can help you to discover what it is you need and want in order to be happy again. I suggest speaking with your partner about the way you feel, I know it can be intimidating and leave you feeling a bit vulnerable, which are both uncomfortable things to feel, especially for people who have been through traumatic events, but in the end, it will help you. You deserve to be happy and loved, never doubt that, though I know it is difficult to believe sometimes. Bad days do happen. If you freak out when he looks at other girls, just tell him this, explain why, ask him why he does it, in a calm manner without making him feel like you're judging him. Whoever says it doesn't last forever, well, I am not sure about that. My path of healing is still ongoing and has been a very bumpy road, lots of toil and struggle, pain and anger and despair. I know victims who are still struggling even decades after they were attacked, but in time, you may find yourself able to cope and heal, which comes easier when you talk about it. My mother was one of these people who is still struggling with, but after things happened to me and I started talking about it and standing up, she has found herself beginning to heal as well. It's never too late to heal and it is possible. Comfort and support can come from even the most unexpected places. By opening up to him, you could have a stronger, better connected relationship and he could help you through things. My boyfriend also has wandering eyes, but in the end, he is here for me when I need him, and I know this because I talked to him about things and I have his support. I felt vulnerable and still do sometimes, but that's okay and natural, trusting others isn't easy, especially for victims, but in time, learning to trust again is possible. Good luck to you on your path of healing and I wish you much happiness, love and peace.
Jackie19- It's completely understandable for you to feel the way you do. I can relate, I was also molested for years as a child by my main abuser. I actually blocked the memories out for years until recently, but since I've remembered it has definately affected my life and the way I interact with men too.

Please know that you definately deserve love. And the fact that you are reaching out here for support is a really good thing. Sending you positive energy and hugs if okay :hug:
thank you guys:)i know i can get through this...i know my boyfriend loves be because he has stuck by my side through all my struggles with this.yesterday was one of those days...i am having another one today...i know i am strong and can get through it all...sometimes i need to hear from people that i can do it and that deserve nothing but good things...its like a little push...thank you for taking time to talk to me and reply to my blog:)

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