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One Day at a Time



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Court

Posted by one.day. , 20 August 2013 · 110 views

I have good news that my plea of not guilty was accepted by the judge in court. He saw my abuser's actions as 'twisted'. But he doesn't know what he's done to me, to us. Past and present. That was for an assault on him, that I never did.

I had a hard time with first solicitor and now I have a new one and some extra help. I told them...


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Voices

Posted by one.day. , 17 August 2013 · 109 views

Had a scary realisation today and don't know what to think...

+ Will you stop crying?
You're always mean to me.
+ Just shut up, hold it together.
It hurts, can I have a hug?
+ Don't be stupid, its just the past.
I don't understand, its happening now.
+ Just be quiet, you're driving me insane.

- Why don't you listen to her?
+ Don...


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Religion question

Posted by one.day. , 06 August 2013 · 148 views

I visited a stone circle a few days ago. I love learning the history and beliefs that surround things like this. But I'm left not knowing what to think.

A woman approached me challenging my religion. She told that I will never move on from this life until I accept myself. I am a very shy person so I'm really nervous when I'm questioned and s...


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I came back for you

Posted by one.day. , 03 August 2013 · 120 views

I lit a candle for you and watched the water take it away with the petals. The tide getting ever stronger, willing to pull me away. I came home, Sis. Its thundering and I'm sitting out here dangling my feet into the harbour. I'm not scared. Why? It always frightened me unless you sang to me and held me.

I can see our 'house', the boat h...


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my vacation

Posted by one.day. , 01 August 2013 · 77 views

On the verge of tears. Its decided my family are going back to my childhood home as part of their holiday. They don't know. The majority of my past happened there. This trip is having good and bad reminders. I've had amazing memories that I thought I'd forgotten. That's what is tempting me to go back to my old home tomorrow but I don't...


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I wish you were here

Posted by one.day. , 18 July 2013 · 125 views

:trigger: I feel so embarrassed. I'm just sitting here, crying and typing. I don't want to be alone tonight. I just feel absolutely defeated. Can you ever get past the grief? I miss my sister so so much. Its still like yesterday.

What if she just become a blurred out memory? I don't want to ever forget her. I'm so frightened how things h...


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want it to go away

Posted by one.day. , 17 July 2013 · 107 views

Today I told them everything. My solicitor has dropped his mr nice guy face. I feel like I'm out of control and its over before it begins. I'm facing charges from my abuser and I honestly feel like I'm at a snapping point.

- I already told you everything.
No you gave me a summary. I need to know individual events? What he did? Why?
When did...


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recording

Posted by one.day. , 05 July 2013 · 94 views

Earlier this week, I was forced into revealing my past to a solicitor. I'm facing charges from my abuser for assault. An act I never did. I thought I was coping ok, but I really aren't. I just hear everything my abuser said and it feels like I'm there again.

There's nothing more we need to hear.
You have to listen to me, this isn't...


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who am I?

Posted by one.day. , 24 June 2013 · 52 views

If you were to ask me who I was before the attack, I honestly don't know. A kid that played with dolls? Maybe. But then that child had seen other violence. Things she shouldn't of. I was so young and it carried on for so long that I never knew anything else. So in away, I've come to realise I'm not sad that I was changed, there never was o...


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To my brother

Posted by one.day. , 18 June 2013 · 54 views

I'm sorry I reminded you of your sister. I'm sorry we never kept in touch. I'm sorry you never wanted to see us. I'm sorry you had so much guilt. I'm sorry Nicki had to leave us all. I'm sorry you were so alone. I'm sorry for all the hatred you stored. I'm sorry for who was your dad. I'm sorry I got away. I'm sorry...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.