I'm reached somewhere that I've always wanted to be. I've got chances - I just need to work hard and just keep control over myself. I can't afford to be stupid - but I can't afford to feel. I need a blockade on the fear and hurt. I need to actually make it to my audition or ill never know how it would ever have panned out. I know I'm not the best at what I do and I don't for a second believe I could ever do it. But to me its a personal goal - I gave something ago, I didn't quit, or run away like I normally do. The thing is - its so desperately what I want to do. I don't want to think, act or do. Not out of laziness but because my emotions have just gone crazy. Its all a big cycle. That one drink could tip everything over the edge - but if I don't have it - will I ever know?