I want to forget
Sometimes, its all that easy to fall into the same trap, keep falling. The abyss. No end. Hearing your voice echo. Reach out and there is nothing secure. Snatch the first thing that comes along. What is actually at the bottom? Is this it?
I spent the night on my own at home in a self destructive mess. Crying into some drink that turned into another and another. Just what was left - papers and tobacco sprinkled around the floor. But what am I blocking out? If I had never have met my step dad, I would never have met my sister. I need her here with me. I can't spend another day knowing she won't just call in, I won't hear her singing in the shower, she can't keep me safe anymore.
I missed my lectures, I still hadn't moved. It was just one day... Or just a few. I vowed a long time ago that I would never drink or touch the weed again.
I know its all wrong.
But I keep saying I have full control.