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want it to go away

Posted by one.day. , 17 July 2013 · 118 views

Today I told them everything. My solicitor has dropped his mr nice guy face. I feel like I'm out of control and its over before it begins. I'm facing charges from my abuser and I honestly feel like I'm at a snapping point.

- I already told you everything.
No you gave me a summary. I need to know individual events? What he did? Why?
When did it happen?
How often? Dates? Time?
You're telling me no one noticed?
No witnesses again? Just dead ones you keep mentioning. Living people, names, addresses, that's what we need.
Don't just stop now, we haven't gotten to the end.
- I can't, please.
How are you going to cope when police ask, when this goes to court?
Physical scars?
- His name.
Show me.
- No, I don't feel comfortable yet.
If its something we can use - Are those what you have done? Great. Now we can't use that, it looks self inflicted. Just stop doing it and we can. Few days and we can get a photograph.
We have that recording I suppose and that will get the sympathy vote. What's he even on about at this point - plays his version -
- its a shocker, a type of zapper
What for? I don't understand. Can you get hold of these photographs he took of you and Nicola?

How can I cope, if I can't deal with that? We had no breaks. It was all time scheduled and all I did was break my heart in front of a stranger who couldn't offer anything back. I know that I don't deserve it but it was too much, too soon. Its made me feel incredibly alone and sick. I can't get clean. I can close my eyes and my abuser is there, he's there every minute.

Oh hun i am so sorry they are abusing you there too You need time to heal a therapist to help you get through the court case You cannot do this on your own hun Hugs
Thank you again Fairies for reading my endless rambles. It makes me feel so stupid and brings it all back. I know deep down I'm just a statistic or a score to them, it might not be meant badly. I'm supposed to be seeing one as part of it all but it seems to get pushed aside but he told me the other side need an account of it. I don't even understand what's happening. I'm still utterly clueless and its about me. I know I can swap my defence but I don't think I can say everything again. I can't trust any of them.
Honey, is there a victims advocate or therapist who can be there with you when you talk with the solicitor? You need someone on your side helping you out.

Hugs to you.

September 2015

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