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Posted by one.day. , 05 July 2013 · 71 views

Earlier this week, I was forced into revealing my past to a solicitor. I'm facing charges from my abuser for assault. An act I never did. I thought I was coping ok, but I really aren't. I just hear everything my abuser said and it feels like I'm there again.

There's nothing more we need to hear.
You have to listen to me, this isn't easy for me to talk about.
We are very busy, Miss, we can't just sit around all day while you patter around bringing even more irrelevance and wasting both of our time.
Listen -
No miss, you have to listen now -

I played the secret recording I have saved on my mobile phone on loud speaker above the dismissal. My abuser taunting me on an earlier date.

:trigger:

This is what I find the hardest to talk about and I don't think I have the strength to say it out loud again. He talked about how he knew I was pregnant with his child and how he purposely made me miscarry. That he was doing me a favour for being 'promiscuous' and flirting with him when he was old enough to be my dad. He was my step dad! How he still has photographs and could hunt out a film or 2. How in a box in the attic, he still has the 'zapper'. A machine of sorts he made to send shocks into us children if we were bad or if he wanted us to 'sound like we enjoyed it' on tape. That he was glad his son was dead but blamed me for his daughters death for hurting her.

I sat their sobbing after it finished. I don't think I breathed throughout.

- F**k, that changes things.



one.day

You are so brave. I am sitting with you, holding your hand, in awe of your courage.
Thank you for sitting with me, means a lot. I don't think I have, especially not in the real world. :metoyou:

October 2014

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