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why wont you lie to me?
you leave me in a state of appall
when i hurt, i beg, i plea
for my reflection not to hurt
the reasoning for my disconcert
I just seem to hate everything about me. From how I look, speak and act. I know I should be happy with who I am. I get teary just thinking about it. I hate it. The worse part for me is knowing I made myself look this bad. On bad days, I think I needed the punishment for looking how I do but that is just silly.
I had really long healthy hair and it a moment of desperation, it cut it short and dyed my hair odd colours. I didn't want to blend in. Now I so desperately want to. I had too many piercings so I'm trying to let some heal. I feel so fat and ugly. Sometimes, I think if I was pretty, people wouldn't walk over me.
I have a brand on my arm of my abusers name. I can't get it too go and its a constant reminder. If anyone has any advice of how it could fade, that would be lovely too. It was a burn from a few years ago.
I have tried counter balancing the bad with the good and I can't. I left my bf and my ex was violent. He would smash mirrors in my face and make me repeat all the bad things about my image. I just have random scars from the past and si. I have trouble with purging every now and again but that isn't fully to do with image but the feeling of cleanliness. It definately isn't a regular thing but I guess not healthy.
Source: My reflection looks disgusting