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One Day at a Time



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new years

Posted by one.day. , 31 December 2013 · 70 views

http://pandys.org/fo...howtopic=239834
Something, please anything, tempt me away from the sleep. At least the nightmares. I've tried everything. Everything. My night time ritual of cleaning has been done, it has to work. I can't bare to dream. To be afraid even when I sleep. To be out of control completely. I so desperately want to sleep. N...


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scared

Posted by one.day. , 30 December 2013 · 61 views

I almost caved. Gave up. I made a promise to myself - no more drink, no more of the drugs. I don't care how but that chapter needs to end. Like I thought it had years ago when it first started. There was a miniature vodka in my pocket. I forgot. They were my secret to survive classes and work. I reached in hoping to find warmth from the chill outside. It...


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Christmas

Posted by one.day. , 26 December 2013 · 76 views

Christmas day - I had a phone call to say one of the few family I have was rushed to hospital.

There is hill that I always like to stop and just take time out. It marks the point where the city and countryside collide. There's no sound bar the wind and the distant cars. Its completely dark and the town lights twinkle like stars. Even more so at Christmas...


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I cry

Posted by one.day. , 19 December 2013 · 91 views

:trigger: I'm having a bad day of memories today, can physically feel the same pain. I want it to go away.
I cry. The newly applied mascara dripping down my face. My sister pushes my chin up - it'll be over soon. She is too young to be wearing those clothes. Once, its over, we will be okay, we're together - so pretend you're not scared. Don't let him know...


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just is

Posted by one.day. , 16 December 2013 · 61 views

It just has to be. That's the only way you can describe it. If your hands bleed, the skin flakes: that's when you should know that's enough. Stop. But what if it isn't? What if you missed something because you were reckless and let the infestation that clings around you in - to other people? If you pass it on - then what happens? Will you be hurt again?...


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Lost

Posted by one.day. , 14 December 2013 · 56 views

:trigger: s slightly (drug, alcohol mention)

The swirling grey haze and bitter sweet stench of stale alcohol lingers. Where is she? The amber glow in a darkened room with no sound, no light. Where did she go? A chiming of bottles falling like dominoes, spluttering to the floor. Is she here? Empty little bags, transparent and used. What is she doing? F...


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control

Posted by one.day. , 06 December 2013 · 62 views

I am standing there alone, remembering why I even came, even left, even tried. Its a struggle - I don't remember how I even got here. All I know is that I can still feel the guilt and pain. Can you still say your in control if you choose to lose control? Or still believe you can be? That's how it feels. To know you are going to do wrong - maybe - dependin...


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mirrors don't lie

Posted by one.day. , 02 December 2013 · 85 views

I just want to feel something. Look into the mirror and see someone pretty, loved and smart looking back. All I see is some sort of fake staring back at me. Scarred and contaminated.

She said goodbye to a relationship gone wrong, she looked her family into the eyes and said good bye for the last time, she stood side by side to her abuser, she took all t...


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I want to forget

Posted by one.day. , 02 December 2013 · 62 views

I wrote a post when I was still in the right frame of mind, it kind of builds on it (http://pandys.org/fo...owtopic=238411# )

Sometimes, its all that easy to fall into the same trap, keep falling. The abyss. No end. Hearing your voice echo. Reach out and there is nothing secure. Snatch the first thing that comes along. What is actually at t...





December 2013

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