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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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My triggers are many and varied. I recently tried noting them down. On paper, scrawled and jumbled - twenty-six of them. Not counting any sexually-related ones - I could be all day listing those. If I was brave enough.
I brought my list to T today. Not sure what I was expecting. I know I need kick-starting into dealing with them. I'm so sick of being reduced to a gibbering wreck over random things. I guess I thought that if I shared them, I'd have to start acknowledging them properly. They do exist. They are no less real just because they only exist in my head.
T read them aloud and we talked a bit about them as she moved down the list. I can see that there are some that I could face relatively easily. And I know that I want to. T talked about ways I could deal with them:
I feel ready.
I left the session feeling optimistic and a little stronger.
But now, in the quiet of the evening I feel small. So many of my triggers seem trivial and petty, and worse, ridiculous, comical. I feel like a joke. Am I wasting T's time? And how have I let all this time pass and allowed these issues to fester and grow?
And if/when I've dealt with the smaller ones, what do I do about the others? Will I have to admit that I'm still too scared to face them...?...because that would be the truth.
I brought my list to T today. Not sure what I was expecting. I know I need kick-starting into dealing with them. I'm so sick of being reduced to a gibbering wreck over random things. I guess I thought that if I shared them, I'd have to start acknowledging them properly. They do exist. They are no less real just because they only exist in my head.
T read them aloud and we talked a bit about them as she moved down the list. I can see that there are some that I could face relatively easily. And I know that I want to. T talked about ways I could deal with them:
- One at a time.
- In little steps - just as much as I can handle at the time.
- Accept that they bring out real fears and real feelings. Acknowledge those fears and feelings.
- Know that I can stop at any point I choose to.
- Remind myself that I am safe right now.
- Take time afterwards to step back from the experience, and to use my grounding techniques.
- Don't be too hard on myself if I find it difficult, or if I don't accomplish as much as I'd hoped to, or as quickly.
- Celebrate all achievements.
I feel ready.
I left the session feeling optimistic and a little stronger.
But now, in the quiet of the evening I feel small. So many of my triggers seem trivial and petty, and worse, ridiculous, comical. I feel like a joke. Am I wasting T's time? And how have I let all this time pass and allowed these issues to fester and grow?
And if/when I've dealt with the smaller ones, what do I do about the others? Will I have to admit that I'm still too scared to face them...?...because that would be the truth.
Tags: Triggers, therapy session
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I want to reassure you about dealing with triggers. None of them are trivial, petty, ridiculous or comical. They grew because they were not dealt with at the time and that was not your fault.
It's like a ball of tangled wool. There is a lot of work to do to unknot all of this stuff and at first it seems as if you are getting nowhere and one of the bits you have untangled then seems to get knotted up again. Gradually, though, it becomes easier. Sometimes you work on one knot and can't get very far so you leave it a bit and try another one. Then you return to the first. Still when you look at it you may only see a big ball of tangled wool, but you are making progress.
When you have made progress on these triggers you will (I believe) feel better about tackling the other ones. You will feel more confident that it is possible even if it takes time.
You have come a long long way in the last months. Be kind to yourself and recognise how well you have done and how hard it is and how much pain there is to confront.
Thinking of you.
Your ball of wool analogy is a good one - having started tugging at the loose threads I now feel bound to continue, and my Christmas/New Year break has been marred by my feelings of guilt over my having kicked my trigger entanglement under the bed, instead of getting stuck in there....if only I could get rid of my lagging guilt over neglected homework....!
I hope, like you say, that I will gain and grow confidence in time. By chance I found myself forced into a situation where I had to face once of my triggers just before Christmas - I found myself trapped in just the sort of building that brings back so many hideous, humiliating memories. But I survived! I felt sick and terrified, and completely possessed, but somehow managed to cope simply because I allowed myself to feel all those feelings that would have in the past sent me literally running for the door. It was my first thread from the ball and I shall cherish it - I know that others will be harder.
Thankyou once again for your kind words - they really are appreciated. http://www.pandys.or...ult/metoyou.gif