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Becoming Who I Want To Be

Posted by Anime2646fairy , 14 September 2013 · 80 views

This morning, I woke up next to my two year long boyfriend for the last time, his strong arms holding me and protecting me. Almost cradling me as I slept, he smelt so sweet, and he was so warm, that I wanted to stay there forever. I didn't move, and I stared at his sleeping face, and made sure that I didn't wake him. He's leaving tomorrow, early in the morning, and I won't be going with him, I don't think I could. He was the man who literally saved me from myself. He taught me to be... me again.
He told me last night, that no matter what, he is going to stay by my side, and that even though he's going away for a college for a long time, that does not mean he is leaving me. He wants to be with me once he gets his doctorates in Physics and in all this other fancy science stuff, he's going to come back for me and hold me one more time, and never let go. Yeah, two years may not be long enough for some people to know that your true love is true, but when I look into his eyes, I can't help but see my future inside them, and see myself live with him for as long as I live. I feel odd thinking about it, but he has always been there for me.
There was a night that I ran away from home, and left my family, my friends and everyone behind. As no one else noticed, he found me on the dock of a lake where he first told me he loved me. That was the place that I had the most peace of mind, and to create that feeling again was to stand there and feel the cold air brush my cheeks, the cold water smoothly move back and forth on the sands beside me, and to feel my heart flutter like a hummingbird. That was the night he gave me a promise ring, and he held me tight, asking me to go live with him for a while. I agreed and told my family that i was willing to do that for myself.
Man it's been so long and honestly, I'm really scared to let him go, and I don't want to lose him. He was the one who told me to be me, and he made me feel human again, and he created a place for me to stay alive.
The night I told him about my life he held me close and said,
"Ashley, I want you to be who YOU want to be. Not what anyone else wants you to be,what you want to be. I won't judge you any other way, and I won't tell you that you can't, because in all honesty, you can, and I know you're strong enough to handle it. I love you."

Wow, Isn't it amazing when you meet a person who can love you for who you are. Someone who loves you just for you, and not what they want you to be. He sounds like an amazing partner. How precious is that after being exposed to the worst that others can do to you! Incredible! I hope all works out for you in the long run. :)
Sep 16 2013 12:19 AM
Yeah, it was really nice to know that even though I had been exposed to the worst of men, I was given the best of them. I was actually told by a man whom I consider to be a father to me, that he was really proud of me for being so strong and that he thought that it was fate that I was put through this pain, he said "because of my strength to go through and understand the bad times, everyone else can see what the good times look like. Its a gift only you can bear." That's been my motto ever since and I've lived by the thought that if I'm willing to sacrifice my life for others, I am going to be able to bear through any hardship and help others the way that I didn't. It's comforting

September 2014

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