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Trying to Stay Hopeful

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 11 June 2014 · 143 views

Im having a hard day. Actually the last couple of days have been really hard emotionally. Im starting to feel depressed all over again. Its just the whole job thing that is getting to me. I keep thinking about how I have been fired from three jobs in the last year and half and it just feels so shitty. Even thought I honestly do not believe that it had anything to do with being a good worker or not. This is something that really bothers my mind. Because when I tried to follow the rules and do the right thing I am punished because some people are only motivated by greed, even thought I was following the state law I got fired. Other times I feel like I have to compromise myself like Im suppose to be robot and not having feelings or thoughts or opinions...and again I am reprehended for how I feel and think... and not suppose to be human and I get reprehended for trying to fight which might have been more irrational than rational but there is no winning.... Its always a lose-lose. I'm trying really hard to let myself believe that everything happens for a reason. But I'm exhausted. Im tried of being taken advantage of and being reprehended when I try to stand up for myself. Im tried of not having a job and loans up to eye balls for going to school and trying to do something to better my life and still I just feel like everything was all for nothing... Im tried of trying so hard to constantly do the right thing and feel really alone. I know I have my boyfriend and hes my best friend but I feel bad to put this all on him to. I jsut want a chance to be successful. I want to do and be part of something I am proud of and respected for who I am what I've been through... I feel so out of place in this world. I've been losing hope and feeling shitty. It been a hard month and Im starting to worry. Why does everything always have to be so dam hard... 

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