I am kind of upset today. I seem to go on and off every day. I get upset of and off because sometimes my brains hurt. I feel like not only was my childhood stolen and had it effected my natural development but I am saddened by what I loss what could have been. People are often really hard on me because of my intelligence. I often wonder where I would be had I not been abused. Would so much of my life been spent trying to heal and feel normal... no.. Instead I would be like all the other 24 years olds. Never thinking about this stuff instead it is just that much more real. I also think my emotions where triggered because I keep googling my uncle in hopes to hear of the arrest in the town I grew up in. I keep hoping to hear that they finally are putting him away and children will be safe. Though it is not the case. Because he is going to counseling at least that was my Aunt claimed but he never "did anything". There are ways for him to continuously get away with what he does. It makes me sad and sick to my stomach because people think they can help them by counseling. It makes me sick because they treat them like they are a victim of themselves. For lack of self-control and it doesn't matter who they hurt. I get so frustrated I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because I constantly feel like no one is listening. No one hears me... I constantly feel beat.. I just want help and compassion. I want the justice system to tell me I'm right that what he did was wrong. and instead I am constantly feeling like I am defending myself. My life my character as if I have a reason to make this stuff up. When is it going to be better... and feel fair... when is the dark cloud going to lift when for once in my life will someone just hear me?