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Posted by paintinblue2013 , 27 November 2013 · 178 views

Though the addiction has become real to me. In realizing that I began using just to use not even suppress anything. Not anymore, it has just been my excuse to get high. I do not want to be an addict any more. and with this I have realized that the only that I would really begin to heal and move forward with my life is giving up the one thing that I thought had saved me in means of trying to escape my reality. I no longer feel the need to escape my reality. I have come forward with all the things that went wrong. 
I stood up for myself. I went to the police on my own. I am the first women in my family that was strong enough to stand up against it and do something about it. To face the ugly truth that has been hindering and hurting us all. Though I am only in 6 day of being pot free. I really feel this time is different. 
I have only tried to stop using twice before and even then never admit the fact that I had a problem, nor wanted to acknowledge how it was hurting me and effecting not only my healing process, my life, but also my efforts to move forward. and because of my addiction I have hurt people around me especially the one person I never wanted to hurt the one person that has been there for me and been strong enough to help not only see my problem and help me face it, my boyfriend. 
I feel really bad because I have done some damage to our relationship by using. Though I did not want to hurt us. I did and I hurt him. This has been the biggest wakeup call of my life and I am so afraid that I will loss him if I do not overcome this. I know what people say about using pot, and most people think it’s not that big of a deal but all it has done for me the last couple of years is not only put myself in a position where I compromised my own safety but also allowed people to hurt and take advantage of me. Every time I pick up to get high I was taking more steps back than moving forward. but I want to break free, I do not want to be stuck in the past, nor do I want to be an addict. I want to be me happy and healed and free from what is dragging me down. 

July 2016

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