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They Covered it Up

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 15 November 2013 · 385 views

One thing that has become really real to me these last few weeks is my addiction to pot. I started smoking weed when I was 16 as a way to deal. It was my crutch as it help me not spiral down the bulimia path which was my other method in means of coping. Coping with my family abuse and dysfunction and the sexual abuse.
 
My sister and I get into arguments about my uncle all the time... She tells me that he used to take her to the movies and never did anything to her and because she 13 years older than me and she was 16 at the time she tells me I’m just a liar.. She said that the whole family had a meeting about it which I was never invited to! She say they talked about it! but still calls me lair! or that I just have to forgive! I hate when people tell me that weather it true or not I will do that in my own time and if they never acknowledge my feelings or that fact that they knew and let him go around for the last 20 year sexually abusing people how do I forgive.... 
 
This is why my mother and the whole family directs all their anger at me... no him, but me....I keep thinking of the four year old girl I was I love her and I told her it would be okay, that I could depend on me and me alone to get through this and out of the hell that was my life and I did it... I freed myself.... and after everything they want to continue to abuse me... 
 
They never dealt with the problem and who knows how many girls he hurt and I’m just supposed to forgive.... They say I’m crazy, that I just go around accusing everyone of rape... they have even told cousins of mine not to hang out with me or to be careful because I will accuse they raped me, even though I never accused anyone expect him.... and the even the stuff with my past relationship I've learn what not to do and not to put myself in compromising situations... 
 
That does not excuse what he did to me... nor is it in my character to make stuff up like this! I’m so sick of their abuse and letting them hurt me... I do not need them! I never have... They were not the ones to encourage me, or picked me up when I was down! OR told me that I could do it! They were not the ones that supported me the last 9 years of my life... They did nothing by try to drag me down and beat me, like all the women in my family...who themselves in the end just turned abusive...
 
My mother direct all her lack of control and all the abuse she took from my father and directed it all at me! I told her she may be a victim with her own family or even my dad but she is not a victim when it comes to me.

 
 



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paintinblue2013
Nov 27 2013 02:27 PM

Thank you!  You take care as well!

July 2016

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