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Something That Kind of Bothers Me...

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 24 February 2013 · 106 views

So I was on facebook, checking in on people as any other day, and I see a post about a cousin of mine who is fighting cancer, and has had amazing support through it all. It kind of bothers me, I know I don't have a life threatening disease but the lack of support just makes me feel all the less important. I know its not the same thing but people don't blame you for getting cancer, they don't treat you like your a diseases, they understand its an outside influence, I don't get why people are so mean or unsupported about being raped. I feel like in so many ways that I've been blamed for it every step of the way. In every aspect, though it wasn't something I asked for or could even defend myself not at 4, and I have lived with the side effects ever since. I've paid the price is so many ways, and if none of it did happened, I would just be normal. A normal girl who did have emotional problems, or resist social aspects or fear people or even our government. I wouldn't be sad all the time, it wouldn't hurt my brain so much, its not like cancer, but it is outside people that cause the pain and suffering. And even my family's behavior hasn't help, even though I know at least I have as little support as I do, but it just doesn't seem like enough, it doesn't seem fair. I hate feeling like Im constantly the one have to give in, be the bigger person, and always in so many ways have to give up on what I need and want. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but I just wish the voids would go away. That I felt loved and cared about, like some how my life was important, and that I didn't deserve to be abused and to suffer in silence, that the suffering itself would stop, and that the pain, the emotional pain, would go away...



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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.