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Here soon just in a few weeks...my mind
It races, the crusifiction of myself on
Brain, like they are trying to somehow
Punish me, and here I think maybe I've
Just got to much on my mind in the not
Understanding the system. How I wish,
I could take back the pain I finailly
Realized how I began obessesed in just
Wanting answers, just wanting to truth,
In why he could love me even if it had
Been Rape, I could remember only as it
Began coming back the memory I block, Why
I said stay away, and how I broke down,
Im just so sorry for my mistake I wasn't
Trying to do wrong, or accuse those of
Wrong things I just had to finially
Start caring about myself. It wasn't my
Choice, to do the things that were forced,
I never wanted to comply oh how I cried,
Left trapped, and like I had to do what
He said in holding the last of my innocence
Him knowing what it meant to me, how
I told him I had nothing and here,
the tears not being able to stop myself,
Not understanding why I was so emotional,
The memory escaped me in the last thing in saying
Good bye, I just didn't want the abuse,
and months later convinced myself I was wrong
In him coming back around by why I said
Good bye the memory just slipped away,
Blackened and dead as I felt nothing inside...
I just want it to be over, even if I pay the
Price, in how it just didn't feel real,
and Still even deny myself the truth of the
Reality...How do you prove two years of
What you yourself couldn't put together,
and one holding the questions just full of lies...
How do you prove what you tried to avoid
In watching your own mental health decline,
Just seeing the break down the lapse of any
Control the lost of reason in just wanting
To know answers in which I already had though
IT took some time to expect to comprehended
All that had really happened...