Im feeling extra down today.. I don't know if it cus it is closer to the court date, or maybe just the holidays. I just feel so hurt. Hurt by my family, that they don't support me, or are there for me. I am hurt by society and the way rape victims are treated. I hate feeling like I did something wrong. I feel so miserable. I often just think that i'd be better off dead. I don't want to live in world were women get raped, and men get away with it. I don't want to live in world where child abuse is real. I don't want to live in a place, where they say it is a will of God, as too we where given free will, yet this doesn't even seem to matter, and people always use the bible as some form of excuse for man to hold any kind of social responsibility. I wish there was more I could do. OR more others would do. I have spend so much time writing letters and trying to get help and peoples attention. Im tried of having to defend myself. OR explain what happened and still not being believed. I just feel like there is no good people in this world. I feel so helpless. and like no matter what I did, there was no way to escape. I just want my life to be over. I can't tell you the number of times I've prayed for God to just kill me. To let me just sleep in peace. This life is just so meaningless to me.