Pandora's Aquarium: paintinblue2013's Blog - Pandora's Aquarium

Jump to content

Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.

You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.

Guest Message © 2013 DevFuse

 
Posted by paintinblue2013  
I often think back to when I began finding the pornography on the web. I knew the minute I walked out of the police station even before going in as a circled around the block that they where not going to believe me in what I had to say, and how to explain the gaps in my memories of what had happened. How I got here... and why I never did anything....
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Posted by paintinblue2013  
So I was on facebook, checking in on people as any other day, and I see a post about a cousin of mine who is fighting cancer, and has had amazing support through it all. It kind of bothers me, I know I don't have a life threatening disease but the lack of support just makes me feel all the less important. I know its not the same thing but...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Posted by paintinblue2013   in Ways to Help, Prevention
Ever since what had happened to me and as I did research about the pornography industry, and finding and enlightening myself to the statics of rape, porn, our justice system, this still hasn't taken away my efforts to fight against it, and try to get others to understand.

Here is something small, something easy we can all do. I report web...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Another Day

24 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
I was talking to my psychologist about what had happened to me. How lot of people have asked me why I kept trying to date the person that had raped me. He told me that a women that is raped later on in life and at least had the chance to grow and develop some what normally and is raped later on in life, wouldn't have attempted this (not all...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

The Demon That Becomes Real

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013   in Uncategorized, Poems
We see what we watch while playing as they allow
Hiding under clovers not to hear a sound
What is next again, the bills, our spills,
Oh those walls where thin, hearing whispers, and slaps
As children try to find delight
In the hell of their parents suffering, the twisted game of life

As we start off born blinded only for world to give us...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Listen Here Old Man

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
Tell me old man where it says worthy women was only a virgin
Only a definition written by men, as too the bible
Whom had sorrows and once blinded country men
When god does speak it’s never about a losing virginity, only fools in love,
Women too can stand her ground with only truth to say
As in our hearts they did not know they only tired to...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Language of Survivors

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013   in Poems, Uncategorized
Language of Survivors

Language of Survivors is written in the hours of failed suicide
Attempts cause by thoughts of undeserving breaths
Replaying over and over as the memories are filled with the slaps
Of drunken fools of trying to hold back hands in protest,
For they do not see nor think much differently than a bull in heat
Like a boulder not...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Reframing What Is Left

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
A journey in order to seek truth she began,
Understanding that once were in the back of her mind,
Hidden Lazarus lazulite eyes beneath, though even with this,
Dear woman one cannot imagine the cross you wore
The only thing that to say is it because of that pain you are worthy
We can hope it will go away and crust over like a scar,
In our darkest...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Going Crazy Day By Day

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013   in Uncategorized, Poems
Going Crazy Day by Day
A chemical imbalance
Is what they say
Going Crazy Day by Day
Broken feeling, senses off
Helping a pull of mind slip away
Going Crazy Day by Day
Feeling of insanity, confirmed by
Voices getting louder, one, two, or three
Telling me I’m wrong
Contradicting memories flood open heavily
What will it take, make it go away
Going...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Restless Thoughts

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
Restless thoughts and its 1:03, racing memories flooding revealing
Conviction and contradictions to truth of what’s at fault
Mindless proclamations driven by cultural ways
No free thinking, no choices to make,
Beaten to be shut off, perfectly numb
Still losing sleep, but what does it mean?
Accusations in beauty, for compulsion...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Foundation of A Broken Home

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
A chronic stricken addiction to which help sets free,
Running from the struggles founded within a broken home
Memories of bottles, bruises that fade way,
Hiding in closets, plugging ears, wishing the shouts would go away
Critically listening to mother and father
Only knowing to familiar, irrational circular screams
Reflection in the scars that...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Dear Aunt Mary

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
Dear Aunt Mary my dreams are scary
A nightmare began to a blind fold unknown
Did you know Aunt Mary as I tried warning?
You to save my soul with in thinking it would have save us all
Slap me again, as I only tell lies
Slap me again and tell me I’m wrong
Dear Aunt Mary my dreams are scary
A monster he is as he say it’s my fault
Born to be used...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Fallen

21 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
Star light had fallen, a crown that had been broken
Creative muse of a walking beauty exposed
Damaged and tainted by a sickness in which happen
To be lost within the materialistic results of ripping wings
Seeking revenge only tearing contradictions apart,
In a dark sided world, walking among the living dead,
Opening walls of truth to un-blind...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Emotional Disconnection

17 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
Do you ever think that people will become so shut off from their own emotions and so detached from this part of the human experience that the minute they counter a person who allows themselves to feel, to be in touch with their own emotions, (the ones that can not fake what they feel or this side of being true to yourself or life in which is your...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Intrusive thoughts

15 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
I am definitely in a better mental state than I was a year ago, or even 6 months ago. Though something that is still hard to cope with is the intrusive thoughts.

They often come during the day, which I can usually distract myself and try to think in a different direction. However, when laying down at night the thoughts and images becomes more...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Trying to Process

15 February 2013
Posted by paintinblue2013  
I never in a millions year would have ever thought that you'd be considered a criminal for annoying someone... never did I think I a million years this would be a reason in which my life would hold so many more challenges. but apparently this is the high moral and ethical standard in which the courts uphold, regardless of having no criminal...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

 

Back to blog home →
Page 1 of 1

← February 2013 →

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
2425262728  

Recent Entries

My Blog Links

Mark Blog as read
Archive

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.