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I feel like i am being punished

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 31 January 2013 · 103 views

I feel really down this morning. I began job hunting and seeing the statement that they do criminal background checks and dont hire people with a record. I feel like I am having to reopen it over and over again. I now have explain how i got raped and it lead to an emotional break down even though I had no criminal intent or motivation. I feel like I am be...


right when i thought things where looking up

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 30 January 2013 · 84 views

I got fired from work today....this just makes even more sad. I worked so hard and nothings going right, I even thought that it was over that Id be able to start moving forward and this happens. I now have deal with the fact that I have a record and have to explain that I got raped and that I had a mental break down. I just feel like nothing goes right an...


Feeling Blue

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 30 January 2013 · 88 views

I had court last week. I got to say what I had to about the rape, and it still didnt change anything, I still got one count against me. As I told the judge and explained my side. I realize why this guy admitted to the rape after two years. That statue was up after two years and literally there was nothing I could do. Its why it kept trying to sleep with m...


The Fear Taking Over

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 13 January 2013 · 89 views

Often now the stress it peaks with court
Here soon just in a few weeks...my mind
It races, the crusifiction of myself on
Brain, like they are trying to somehow
Punish me, and here I think maybe I've
Just got to much on my mind in the not
Understanding the system. How I wish,
I could take back the pain I finailly
Realized how I began obessesed in...


What happen to Safe Words?

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 11 January 2013 · 89 views

What happen to safe words?

What happen to safe words? This is something that has been on my mind

For a while, as contemplating what it means to be a women in this world,

Taught from birth, to seek prince charming, that sex and love intimacy,

Is all suppose to mean something in which you are suppose to feel,

Cared about and loved, yet boys are taught...


Oh How It Never Accured to Me

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 10 January 2013 · 104 views

Here I sit 4 years later reflecting on my path my life in the direction it took me. The people that I have met, the people that I have antiquated, those who have inspired me, those who broke me and those who left me. I often wonder and thought for so long that God hated me. I thought this is the reason that it allowed so many bad things to happen in my li...



Posted by paintinblue2013 , 07 January 2013 · 108 views

I started dating someone new. and its now over.... Its always the same thing they never know what they want (which I take that more like they aren't into me...) I feel like a freak of nature I just get so attached easy, and I'm always so willing to give it my all, it just gets harder and harder each time trying to put myself out there... I know wh...


Ups and Downs

Posted by paintinblue2013 , 02 January 2013 · 87 views

I am so thankful for this website!! It has been a really great support system even if all that happens is that I am able to put it out there. Its so nice from hearing from others and their kind words and being able to relate!!! Its nice being able to express and let out all the crazy thoughts that run through my head, and even more so...

January 2013


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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.