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Ugh.

27 December 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Things i wanted to do these last few days -

I wanted to cancel christmas dinner, i woke up on christmas morning feeling okay, the usual dreading of keeping a smile on my face but thats normal.
How that turned into my partner and i in floods of tears, me leaving the flat and only answering his calls to say no, i wasn't coming back. I'm...
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such an inspiration.

13 December 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Its hard to stay motivated. To remember we can accomplish things. That there are people who won't give up on us.

This man may not have a story like ours but i wanted to share this video. I watched it with tears streaming down my face.

He thought his life was over like many of us, this shows otherwise.

It is completely inspiational to me....
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deep breaths...

11 December 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Irrational thoughts have taken up all available room in my mind, sorry sense. There may never be enough room for both.

'Just let it go' i keep telling myself, if only i'd listen.
You see i want to, i just can't.

It's exhausting. And it hurts.


I want to open up and let it all right now, i can't.


Grr. :(/>

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Avoiding things

09 December 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
I avoid my mind being uninterupted. I need distractions and my attention to be held.

I avoid calls from the only friend i have i left. I can't pretend to be interested in her pointless complaints. I wish she'd really care. And listen.

I avoid reaching out to anyone. I worry people will see me as desperate or needy.

I avoid...
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thoughts to my ex.

05 December 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
I've begun to fear you more than i did, a delayed reaction pehaps?

I think maybe, just the slightest little bit, my mind is beginning to let me really see you for what you are, and actually believe it. This will take me a long time i know that, but now i've had a glimpse at the truth at least i know what direction im heading in.

Theres...
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nothing

03 December 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Last night was tough, this flashback wasn't visionary but somehow one of the most realistic i've had. I could feel the room. The atmosphere. I have memories, i have flashbacks. I felt more like "her". All i wanted to do was grab that girl and run. And save her.

Im still finding it hard to accept that as me. Im getting there.

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how do i make this decision.

26 November 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Its been a while since i've written much here, or anywhere else for that matter.

Since starting this healing journey, im amazed at some of the realisations i've come to. That " Ah well that makes sense" kind of thing. Some feelings i've had for years, or reasons for believing or doing things, suddenly make sense.
Im sure im...
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Back

22 November 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
It seems hard to know where to start after being away. Not that much has changed i guess, the last time i was here i had had one counselling appointment so far.

I've had a second and i have another in a few days time. So far i feel fairly comfortable with her, we haven't really gone into much yet so i'll have to wait and see how...
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Hmm..

09 October 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
I've been sitting here thinking back to a few years ago, at school.

Theres alot i could go into, but i won't. I had a shit time pretty much sums it up for now.

I was thinking about times things were said to me or i was told to do things by certain teachers, i'd get this frustration quickly build up to the point i felt like i was...
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It was bound to happen

08 October 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Tonight i fucked up, tonight i was selfish. Tonight part of me doesn't care.

I hurt myself, not badly, for the the first time in over a year. Im hiding it from P.

That i feel bad for, i feel guilty for hiding it. I don't want him to know. He's the only reason i really feel bad about it.

I want to talk to someone, who understands....
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