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For a few days my head felt clearer. My depression felt properly lifted for the first time in a while. I think this is the reason i had new flashbacks and new memories.
Usually when i have a flashback it's to what happened to me when i was little, this time it was to things that my ex did. Earlier in the day i remember thinking about it, well words that i can't bring myself to say popped into my head. It was the first time it felt like it was actually me realising what he done was r. Maybe this is why i had the flashback.
Deep down i know this is a good thing, i need to go through these things to get better.
After that i started having some other thoughts, it's not that these were memories i had forgotten and were coming up. I just hadn't ever let myself think of them in this way. At the time some of these comments and incidents made me uncomfortable, not extremely but not right.
Then as i was thinking more of these started coming back to me that were new.
The person it is, it's really had to deal with.
I was upset of course but all of a sudden something just switched, all of a sudden i felt really su. I've felt this before, never this instanly though. Of course i won't talk about it but i had to tell my bf because i was so worried.
He asked if he should phone someone, when he was talking to them, i got him to hang up. I just told him we had to get out the flat, i really believed i was that unsafe, that i was going to do something.
An ambulance and police came since we hung up, they were coming in the building as we were leaving. At first i walked past then went back.
They took me into the ambulance, i was in quite a state shaking alot. I told them i wasn't comfortable with so many men ( 1 male and 1 female parmedic, 2 male police). They explained until they were happy they had to make sure amblunce people are safe, i got it then.
The woman was happy to take me to hospital, my bf booked me in. I waited for a bit then seen a CPN. After talking to me for quite a bit, she really listened to what i thought too though, she gave me options she thought of. Go home with some meds to relax me, more for the next day when i have to see my psych. On the premise i phone as soon as i feel this again. Or be evaluated by someone who is actually based at the psych hospotal. She told me i wouldn't be going home if i lived alone.
We decided to try and go home, i took the meds and got some sleep eventually. My bf phoned my psychs receptionist a few hours later (this all happened early friday morning, uk). He seen me himself, really listened to me and really helped.
The cbt etc for my agoraphobia is still on hold, i'm to keep seeing the counseller. He asked me if i was okay with him referring me, though it may take a few months to be seen, to psychologhy services.
If the problems weren't affecting me so much he wouldn't suggest in depth psychological work. He thinks it's the right thing though, i agree.