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I just want to go back to bed and hide, i dont want to feel so self concious its like everyone is staring. Thats what is feels like, i can't believe that they wouldn't be able to tell how i feel inside. I feel like i can't breathe properly, then i wonder if people can notice this which ends up making it worse. Im finder it harder and harder to be able to hide it, the urge to hide it has become much stronger the opposite is happening to the ability to.
Im feeling scared today, i don't even really want to leave the room im in. How stupid is that!
I don't feel like writing anymore, i struggle with the feeling of not being 'allowed' to talk about things sometimes. It makes me feel like a child, the words can be right here screaming to get out but i can't. Why am i still letting him control me, im not a child anymore. Perhaps thats just physically, right now im acting like one. I just need to get a grip and get on with things.
My mood is so low right now, i want to just say i don't care about anything. I can't, i have to get ready, i have to go.
I hate that im just sitting here complaining when so many get on with their lives. Its not like i have a job to go to, a family to look after. Nothing. I still can't look after myself properly. Im no where near a woman, im still a little girl. A woman is all i want to feel like, i want to feel like an adult. I justt feel pathetic right now. I am, and im sorry for complaing.