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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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TW for CSA, r**e and partner SA.
I came accross this site looking for support as i am just begginning to try and deal with the things the CSA had left me with. At first i felt like i had a small weight off my shoulders. Its only taken 10 years. Then i realised i've done exactly the same thing with other things as i did with this. Ive avoided thinking about it to feeling anything, trying to block it out. It scares me, i don't know if i can stay strong enough to face everything else.
Its incredibly hard for me to say 'these things happened' but i want to get some of it out. Im scared of peoples reactions, i know i don't need people to believe me to validate my feelings . Fuck that im going to be honest here, i do need my feelings validated, i do want to be believed i just don't want to admit that i do. I eventually reported the person who abused me as a child and it went to court. Like i say i have just begun this process , now it feels like alot of shit has been added to it. Im realising i can't hide from things.
The other things im talking about are being r***d at 14 and partner SA around 2 years later.
I think one of the reason i find it hard talk about is because in the past ive tried to and its been a disaster. I told a so called 'friend', she decide to tell other people about my apparntly made up story and proceeded to tell me He would never do that, yeah he's a bit weird but thats too far even for him. What the fuck does that even mean? I just put my head down and didn't stand up for myself. But if i knew how to do that better none of these things would have happened. She still refers to then night i told her as 'the night you said B (lets call him that) r***d you'.
Is it? I hadn't realised, now i wonder why i may have said that hmm? I've made alot of mistakes and im certainly not an angel but am i really that bad of a person my friend, one of the only ones could believe i would lie about that, lie about something so life changing and traumatising, and make someone else suffer for my lies rather than take a second to consider ( thats all i was asking for) that i could be telling the truth.
That what i need isn't for you to humiliate me and add liar to the list of shit things about me, the one that im already adding things to because of what happened. I certainly don't need help to come up with personal insults. That maybe what i need is for one person to believe me. I don't want to believe, no one would. He doesn't want anyone to believe it.
But that doesn't make it a lie!
Phew. I feel a bit better getting that rant out, i think i have alot more anger towards the friend im talking about than i had realised.
As for the other thing i don't feel ready to go into that yet.
I feel i have taken a huge step and feel better for it.
Thanks for listening
x
I came accross this site looking for support as i am just begginning to try and deal with the things the CSA had left me with. At first i felt like i had a small weight off my shoulders. Its only taken 10 years. Then i realised i've done exactly the same thing with other things as i did with this. Ive avoided thinking about it to feeling anything, trying to block it out. It scares me, i don't know if i can stay strong enough to face everything else.
Its incredibly hard for me to say 'these things happened' but i want to get some of it out. Im scared of peoples reactions, i know i don't need people to believe me to validate my feelings . Fuck that im going to be honest here, i do need my feelings validated, i do want to be believed i just don't want to admit that i do. I eventually reported the person who abused me as a child and it went to court. Like i say i have just begun this process , now it feels like alot of shit has been added to it. Im realising i can't hide from things.
The other things im talking about are being r***d at 14 and partner SA around 2 years later.
I think one of the reason i find it hard talk about is because in the past ive tried to and its been a disaster. I told a so called 'friend', she decide to tell other people about my apparntly made up story and proceeded to tell me He would never do that, yeah he's a bit weird but thats too far even for him. What the fuck does that even mean? I just put my head down and didn't stand up for myself. But if i knew how to do that better none of these things would have happened. She still refers to then night i told her as 'the night you said B (lets call him that) r***d you'.
Is it? I hadn't realised, now i wonder why i may have said that hmm? I've made alot of mistakes and im certainly not an angel but am i really that bad of a person my friend, one of the only ones could believe i would lie about that, lie about something so life changing and traumatising, and make someone else suffer for my lies rather than take a second to consider ( thats all i was asking for) that i could be telling the truth.
That what i need isn't for you to humiliate me and add liar to the list of shit things about me, the one that im already adding things to because of what happened. I certainly don't need help to come up with personal insults. That maybe what i need is for one person to believe me. I don't want to believe, no one would. He doesn't want anyone to believe it.
But that doesn't make it a lie!
Phew. I feel a bit better getting that rant out, i think i have alot more anger towards the friend im talking about than i had realised.
As for the other thing i don't feel ready to go into that yet.
I feel i have taken a huge step and feel better for it.
Thanks for listening
x
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As for your friend, I'm sorry that she didn't act the way a real friend should. You deserved support and comfort, not doubt.
I'm so glad you have found Pandy's, I have no doubt that it will bring you the same comfort it has brought me. There are so many wonderful people here who understand what you're going through and really care.