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Grr is how i feel today

29 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
It hasn't been long since the last entry, i need to get more stuff out. I can't seem to get it out the same way writing in a diary. I seem to do better here.

I feel pretty pathetic at the minute, im losing track of time. I've been sitting at the computer for hours, that's sad isn't it?

I keep apologising to my bf, he says he...
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i don't want to pretend!

29 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
It feels like too much right now, what 'it' is exactly im not sure.

Everything, the way im feeling and thinking. I don't know, im not making any sense. There doesn't seem to be much of that in my mind. I feel like im holding everything together but im not sure who's sake its for?

Maybe it isn't. Im frustrated right now,...
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whats happening now..

28 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
So after dreading the last psychiatrists appointment, it went alot better than i was expecting. It went okay the first time so im not sure why i thought this one was going to be disaster. Though this time i had some stuff i didn't mention in the last appointment that i thought were pretty important so i was nervous about that.
I went in and he...
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Moods coming crashing down..

26 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Thats how i feel today, i don't want to go out its something i really struggle with. I have to, i have a psychiatrist appointment.

I just want to go back to bed and hide, i dont want to feel so self concious its like everyone is staring. Thats what is feels like, i can't believe that they wouldn't be able to tell how i feel inside. I...
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Denial

23 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
**trigger warning for partner SA?/r**e/csa


This is hard to write, im so glad i found a place i can get it out though. Since going through the court process and beginning to see how much the csa has affected me and how ihad been avoiding it all costs for a long time, i've realised i can't only deal with this and pretend the other abuse...
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Rambling as usual

22 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
Over the last 2 days i have tried sitting down at the computer and writing in my diary, neiher have been vey sucsessful. Nothings been coming out, i can't seem to start. I know theres stuff in my head i want to get out.
I think this is going to be a lot of rambling.

I really hope i can do the things i want to get done today. Just sorting...
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just feeling sorry for myself

20 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
I suppose i'd better go and get ready for this counselling appointment. Im tired and anxious. I struggle to open up to people, i've never really spoken in any detail of the things that happened. I know its going to be hard to open up. I don't feel like i have the energy to go, i have to. I can't avoid this. Theres lots i need to do...
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Nothing really.

19 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
All i want to do tonight is cry. Im tired, physically and emotionally. I don't want to go to bed again, which means my bf had to bed alone again. I can't be there though, i don't know why.

Uugghh i have my first appoiontment with a counseller tomorrow, im nervous about this and just going in general. I struggle with going out alot of...
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Posted by MissHannah  
TW for CSA, r**e and partner SA.

I came accross this site looking for support as i am just begginning to try and deal with the things the CSA had left me with. At first i felt like i had a small weight off my shoulders. Its only taken 10 years. Then i realised i've done exactly the same thing with other things as i...
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Angry

11 September 2012
Posted by MissHannah  
[size="4"]After another sleepless night, from which im still awake i decided to go for a walk this morning. Clear my mind, get some fresh air is what i thought. How wrong was i.

I was proud of myself for a short while, going out anywhere even just leaving my flat is a massive challenge for me. I fought with...
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