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MissHannah's Blog



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Ugh.

Posted by MissHannah , 27 December 2012 · 68 views

Things i wanted to do these last few days -

I wanted to cancel christmas dinner, i woke up on christmas morning feeling okay, the usual dreading of keeping a smile on my face but thats normal.
How that turned into my partner and i in floods of tears, me leaving the flat and only answering his calls to say no, i wasn't coming back. I'm not entire...


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such an inspiration.

Posted by MissHannah , 13 December 2012 · 60 views

Its hard to stay motivated. To remember we can accomplish things. That there are people who won't give up on us.

This man may not have a story like ours but i wanted to share this video. I watched it with tears streaming down my face.

He thought his life was over like many of us, this shows otherwise.

It is completely inspiational to me.




http...


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deep breaths...

Posted by MissHannah , 11 December 2012 · 55 views

Irrational thoughts have taken up all available room in my mind, sorry sense. There may never be enough room for both.

'Just let it go' i keep telling myself, if only i'd listen.
You see i want to, i just can't.

It's exhausting. And it hurts.


I want to open up and let it all right now, i can't.


Grr. :(


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Avoiding things

Posted by MissHannah , 09 December 2012 · 71 views

I avoid my mind being uninterupted. I need distractions and my attention to be held.

I avoid calls from the only friend i have i left. I can't pretend to be interested in her pointless complaints. I wish she'd really care. And listen.

I avoid reaching out to anyone. I worry people will see me as desperate or needy.

I avoid admitting these th...


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thoughts to my ex.

Posted by MissHannah , 05 December 2012 · 97 views

I've begun to fear you more than i did, a delayed reaction pehaps?

I think maybe, just the slightest little bit, my mind is beginning to let me really see you for what you are, and actually believe it. This will take me a long time i know that, but now i've had a glimpse at the truth at least i know what direction im heading in.

Theres days whe...


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nothing

Posted by MissHannah , 03 December 2012 · 79 views

Last night was tough, this flashback wasn't visionary but somehow one of the most realistic i've had. I could feel the room. The atmosphere. I have memories, i have flashbacks. I felt more like "her". All i wanted to do was grab that girl and run. And save her.

Im still finding it hard to accept that as me. Im getting there.


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how do i make this decision.

Posted by MissHannah , 26 November 2012 · 50 views

Its been a while since i've written much here, or anywhere else for that matter.

Since starting this healing journey, im amazed at some of the realisations i've come to. That " Ah well that makes sense" kind of thing. Some feelings i've had for years, or reasons for believing or doing things, suddenly make sense.
Im sure im only begi...


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Back

Posted by MissHannah , 22 November 2012 · 48 views

It seems hard to know where to start after being away. Not that much has changed i guess, the last time i was here i had had one counselling appointment so far.

I've had a second and i have another in a few days time. So far i feel fairly comfortable with her, we haven't really gone into much yet so i'll have to wait and see how things go. F...


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Hmm..

Posted by MissHannah , 09 October 2012 · 48 views

I've been sitting here thinking back to a few years ago, at school.

Theres alot i could go into, but i won't. I had a shit time pretty much sums it up for now.

I was thinking about times things were said to me or i was told to do things by certain teachers, i'd get this frustration quickly build up to the point i felt like i was going to cry...


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It was bound to happen

Posted by MissHannah , 08 October 2012 · 93 views

Tonight i fucked up, tonight i was selfish. Tonight part of me doesn't care.

I hurt myself, not badly, for the the first time in over a year. Im hiding it from P.

That i feel bad for, i feel guilty for hiding it. I don't want him to know. He's the only reason i really feel bad about it.

I want to talk to someone, who understands. I close...






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