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do i really matter?

Posted by amy12 , 17 April 2013 · 35 views

As I grow old painful memories just fill my head.
The sound of silence fills my lips.
I don't know where to run or hide, as the time passes by.
NO record of anything i can find, Its like i never mattered.
people in my life just live their lives and I'm screaming inside.
I don't know where to run or hide and the pain fills up inside.
I called cps and there no record of me. Did they not bother to check?
They have record of my sister and brother.. they were not hurt it was me.
why cant i see?
why cant i see the court documents?
they said it was not for me it was for them?
so where was my court documents?
there were none, i just found out.
it never made it there.
do i really even matter?
its like there saying GO AHEAD AND RAPE HER, DO WHAT YOU WANT, YOU WONT GET IN TROUBLE, HERE WE"LL HAND YOU HER SISTER.



Amy,

This is such a powerful and moving post. You do matter--you matter to us here at Pandy's, and, most importantly, I hope you can allow your anger to keep you alert to the fact that you matter to yourself as well. Your family's actions are unforgivable, and it gave you such a clear message that you weren't worth caring for. But it is so wrong, it is so so wrong of them. You mattered then, and you matter now, and I'm sad that you weren't shown that.
Thank you Marie, there have been a lot of things i have been finding out now that im trying to get more info on how the courts handled things. i had to reread your post like 10 times and i want to read it more i do.... i have been dealing with this for years now and i know i "push" the feelings down and down and down like a big jar and then the lid pops off and i feel like this again but each time it feels worse and worse. SO thank you for your kind words i need to keep reading it every time i feel sad..

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