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Needed vent TW

Posted by Simpletruth , in Personal 18 April 2014 · 76 views

Fear has been a huge influence lately.
I'm afraid of so many different things.
So I just thought I'd explore them.
Just list them out and write till all hell falls out.
1. I'm terrified of going to university.
Another land. All alone. No help. No him. Nothing. I mean God will be there and so will Debbie. But that's not the same. That's not the support that I so neatly cultivated. Or maybe god sent them. Maybe that's evidence that he'll send more? I'm worried about school work and stress and late nights filled with tears, loneliness and forgotten medication. I already don't feel at home here. My own room feels foreign. What happens when I'm actually in a foreign place. Away from at least the familiar?
2. I'm scared of you. Loving you. Trusting you. Only to be ruined. To believe all your beautiful words. To love you against the thoughts of others. To be vulnerable. To open my heart. To be as honest as you are. I'm so scared.
3. I'm scared of them. No other words.
4. I'm scared of nights and the dark. And the swallowing feeling that it brings. The nightmares. The hell. The inability to breathe and escape.
5. I'm scared that I'll hurt someone else. I don't want to turn into a monster. Please stop me?
Somebody help me? I'm on thing number five and I can't go on. I'm too overwhelmed. Feeling sick even. I don't know what I'm doing. Sigh.



Sitting with you, if it's ok?

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