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Exploring Pain tw

Posted by Simpletruth , in Personal 22 March 2014 · 94 views

I just need to vent in a space where people can see.
Where I can't hide behind passwords.
Where I can know that it's real.
I'm in pain.
I've been in pain for a few days now.
Still helping,
Still listening.
But I'm in pain.
In therapy, the psychologist asked if I wanted to go through this process.
If I was willing to truly be vulnerable.
I'm scared to.
Why should I?
To have people betray my trust?
I had a mini flashback of my childhood.
I was playing with dolls and they were doing disgusting confusing things to each other.
I have so many patches missing in my memory.
It's hard.
It's really hard.
And I feel all alone.
Like I have no support.
My parents don't know.
And I feel like I'm always supporting the ones that do.
Trying not to be too sad.
Trying not to say too much.
I'm so alone.
And I can't let anyone in,
So I'm going to remain alone.


I hear you.
Mar 22 2014 11:22 PM
Thank you. I need so badly to be heard. So badly.
Simpletruth, what a lovely, honest poem. It speaks to me. I could have written this. My T had the same conversation with me last Thursday after my disclosure to her of childhood things. I was drawn to your line about the dolls. I was given a doll once. And I remember hating it. Destroying it. I took my anger out on that plastic body, as I was too young to take the anger out on my own. Take gentle care, know that others walk this path with you. Mand.
Mar 23 2014 04:54 PM
Thank you so much Mand for walking with me. I'm glad that it speaks to you.

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