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The short list.
-back of church
-bedroom with her
-bedroom with him
-on the floor
-truth or dare
-playing mom and dad
-Osei and camp
Uhh physical abuse (?)
I have a list and I can't even remember what they mean...
=|
If you become my height,
That'll be the final straw...
Closer to what I'm pretending not to think...
Closer to what I'm pretending doesn't exist.
Like doesn't lead to love.
It doesn't.
It doesn't, right?
Right.
Great.

Ruined.Tired.Dying.

That was the last straw.
Hope that I didn't have has gone.
I loved him.
I love him?
It doesn't matter.
I probably can't run away even.
I tried so damn hard.
So damn hard.
I know that they're there in the kitchen.
I just want to pick them up.
And erase the pain

Please, someone, anyone, rescue me?
It hurts so bad I can barely taste...

You

I miss your lips.
I miss your touch.
I miss everything that is male and firm and strong about you.
I miss being in your arms.
Protected.
I'm tired.
I get that I need to learn to live on my own.
But I miss your strength.
I miss you.

Better.

Hope really makes people happier.
I woke up with a smile,
For the first time in a while.

Venting.

I miss you.
I miss you so much.
There's no one to talk to.
No kind words.
God exists.
And I'm eternally grateful.
But I miss your ever-present presence.
I really thought you'd be the common denominator in my life.
Always.
This month has been terrible in that regard.
Loneliness.
The isolation is sickening.
I really need close...

Cut me open?

Just remove all the bad stuff.
The disgusting parts.
The me I hate.
But then again isn't that all the parts?
Sigh.
I hate myself so much.
Disgust seeps through every pore.
And they're angry words.
And mental apologies are generated.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm sorry that I think I'm worthless.
I'm trying so hard to be normal.
So...

Cut me open?

Just remove all the bad stuff.
The disgusting parts.
The me I hate.
But then again isn't that all the parts?
Sigh.
I hate myself so much.
Disgust seeps through every pore.
And they're angry words.
And mental apologies are generated.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm sorry that I think I'm worthless.
I'm trying so hard to be normal.
So...

Thanks

I sit in your office squirming.
Because I know what you're about to do.
"Childhood trauma"? You say in that voice. Like I'm making it up. Like it doesn't qualify. Like its not important. I already know that I'm being foolish. I don't need help to think that.
So thanks.
Thanks for belittling me. I needed that.
Thanks...

Confused

My sexuality is all over the place.
You played with demons.
They played with me.
What was I supposed to do?
I let it slide.
I let it slide.
You were a child.
Somehow that translated into abuse,
Minimized.
You hurt me.
It hurt.
You confused me.
Sigh.
 

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