I thought I was ok I thought I was better but Iím not. Iím always afraid I think people are following me when they are not. I am weak and I want to be strong physically and mentally. I at times still hate what I see in my mirror that stupid women who was weak and stupid who lost control and just gave in for so long. Now I am finally released and I am so messed up. Everything I do and my husband does has to do with what has happened to me. No one knows how bad I am mentally. I want to be a new person I think that if I look different I will somehow be better but deep inside I know this is not true. So I give up before I try. There is no magic pill that can make me better. I am letting myself go. I donít take a bath everyday anymore sometimes I donít even brush my teeth or bush my hair. I sometimes remind myself that I need to stop. Stop being so bad so broken but I donít know how.