husband problems agian. rant trigger maybe I feel so sad so hurt.
OK so you can touch me but you cant see a future with me anymore. You still think only the first time was r@pe. Oh i must have liked it because I didn't stop it. Don't you understand I saw no way out. He blackmailed me, manipulated me. He was your blood you would have believed him not me. Why should I let you touch me if your only hear because of our children. Why should I go on. Why should I care about your dirty cloths, your dinner, your stuff. Ohh because as long as your with me I'm still your wife. For how long? oh until the kids grow up. God forbid one turns out so kind-hearted like me. If you touch me and hug me your lifted me up and you can't. I can't tell you I love you. I don't think you love me. You don't know what love is. How can I not know what love is? I suffered so you wouldn't and for what? For nothing. For you to cry to your sister for you to open up to her for you to tell her everything your feeling but not to me. I'm just your wife when its convenient for you. To cook for you to wash for you to complete your desires. But not to open up your feelings to not to be with when you grow old. Why should you even be here. But if I tell you to leave you will. so if you go you can telhttp://pandys.org/forums/index.php?app=blog&module=post§ion=post&do=showform&blogid=4713#l your kids it was my fault you left.I replaced you with HIM. No you weren't hear he wanted to take your place yes he wanted what you had. And you did nothing to stop it. Why you found out you even gave him days to move out! Whos kind hearted now and when that start being such a bad thing. You want me to be mean and cold to people you want me to change who I am I can't I am kind hearted and I can't stop. That was one of the things you loved about me and now it's my worse attribute.
sorry I'm so hurt I can't let him leave but how can I be with someone who see's no future with me. How can he stay for 10+ years more and then just leave when our kids are older. I need support. I feel so alone so confused I can't let him go. But he hurts me when hes stays. I love him but he doesn't believe me. He doesn't believe that I was r@ped by his brother. Only the first time was rape. that what he believes. Its my fault he came after 6 months of he constantly raping me. I had already started to believe i loved that monster. I would let him i just gave in. I feel so weak so weak inside and out. I want to just let everything go my school my job my home. But my kids stop me. I think about them and somehow I go on.