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soconfused64's Blog



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i guess its getting better?

Posted by soconfused64 , 26 February 2013 · 21 views

I guess I am getting better. If better means I am still scared.
If better means I still have nightmares.
If better means I still have triggers and flashbacks
and tears that I feel I should not shed.
I guess life is getting better if that means
we avoid talking about what happened to me
in fear of me hiding in a dark lonely corner
sulking my own despai...


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I thought I was OK but Im not. i am still brocken

Posted by soconfused64 , 28 December 2012 · 27 views

I thought I was ok I thought I was better but Iím not. Iím always afraid I think people are following me when they are not. I am weak and I want to be strong physically and mentally. I at times still hate what I see in my mirror that stupid women who was weak and stupid who lost control and just gave in for so long. Now I am finally released and I am so m...


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husband problems agian. rant trigger maybe I feel so sad so hurt.

Posted by soconfused64 , 20 September 2012 · 11 views

RANT about husband :bawling:
OK so you can touch me but you cant see a future with me anymore. You still think only the first time was r@pe. Oh i must have liked it because I didn't stop it. Don't you understand I saw no way out. He blackmailed me, manipulated me. He was your blood you would have believed him not me. Why should I let you touch m...


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Doubt

Posted by soconfused64 , 19 September 2012 · 14 views

werent my tears enough no means no. I was weak and couldnt stop it. my weakness has caused so much pain. I love my husband dont I ? But if I did how could I let that man blind me, use me, change me? My husband thinks I chwated on him that only the 1 st time it was r@pe. Hes doubts are just making me doubt myself.


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Husbands assiociations

Posted by soconfused64 , 15 September 2012 · 13 views

My husband is associating everything with my BIL. We use gi go dancing thats out, bathing together is also out, the sofa, the livingroom, the kitchen well more,like the whole house, he says he loves me but his words hurt. That he qill stay cause of our children, but its me too but mostly the kids. I have second thoughts os stayinf maybe it wouls be bette...


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losing hope on husband *Trigger maybe*

Posted by soconfused64 , 27 August 2012 · 17 views

I told him I would not hide anything. If he'll ask I will answer with the truth no matter what. So today he asked where my BIL r@ped me I told him everywhere. Now he says how can he touch me if I am dirty... I gave him everything. It makes me angry I gave my BIL nothing he took it without caring. I don't know what is going to happen I don't wa...


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losing hope on husband *Trigger maybe*

Posted by soconfused64 , 27 August 2012 · 9 views

I told him I would not hide anything. If he'll ask I will answer with the truth no matter what. So today he asked where my BIL r@ped me I told him everywhere. Now he says how can he touch me if I am dirty... I gave him everything. It makes me angry I gave my BIL nothing he took it without caring. I don't know what is going to happen I don't wa...


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Husbands secret thoughts

Posted by soconfused64 , 24 August 2012 · 16 views

I finally got my husband to tell me what he thinks about when he stares at me. I thought if he would say them out load it would help him heal. He didn't want to tell me, but when he did I didn't cry. I'm a big crier. I thought how little do I think of myself if his words don't hurt me. He says he tries to fight his bad thoughts. He says he...


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Wishes

Posted by soconfused64 , 20 August 2012 · 10 views

I wish I could say I cheated on my husband.
I wish it could of been my choice.
I wish I wasn't forced into anything.
I wish I wasn't manipulated.
I wish I wasn't blackmailed.
I wish I could just breath easily.
I wish my heart would stop pumping so fast.
I wish I could stop feeling nauseous.
I wish I could stop crying.
I wish I could stop...


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husband says he doesn't know me anymore

Posted by soconfused64 , 18 August 2012 · 20 views

my husband says he is going to leave me in 10 years that he is staying because of the children, that he doesn't know who I am anymore. He doesn't believe I got raped. He says he does but that before I realized the truth I was a different person for 2 days I was not my self I my self thought I had cheated on him. That was until my mother started as...





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