I'm starting group today. It's a hot day but I keep getting chills. I'm so scared... I'm skipping my second class so I can pick up my medication and go home. Maybe drawing will help me relax.
My only female friend came over while I was home. I made her a birthday present and she came to pick it up, and we spent an hour watching cartoons and talking story. I always feel extremely awkward when I hang out with her or any girl. I laugh and smile the whole time even though I don't feel happy. I talk too much and say stupid shit. The reason I get along with this friend is because she is nerdy and awkward like me. We also share a common enemy/ex boyfriend. I haven't been able to open up to her much, but towards the end of her visit I told her I was starting group therapy today.
She told me about her experience with a group that her mom made her go to once. I think it helped a little. She also helped take my mind off my nervousness for a while so i'm glad she came over. I'm heading to my first group session now. I really hope it turns out to be a positive experience.
I've been feeling an overwhelming mix of emotion since group. I haven't been able to focus on studying, and I have a LOT to do. I took some time to draw and it turned into some freaky shit. It's kind of macabre but I think it helps me get rid of some feelings that I can't describe.