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Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway , 03 October 2012 · 18 views

It's a new day. I can do it today. Only two classes, I can make through both of them. I have to stay on campus anyways for my psych appointment.

I kept my meds down and I woke up (relatively) on time. I didn't shower but still... I'd say so far, so good.

I made it through both classes. I didn't stay on campus to wait for my appointment, but I studied at home for an hour or so. Now i'm heading to see my psychiatrist and for some reason i'm really nervous. I'm nervous about a lot of things, maybe i'm just stressing about this to keep my mind off the other shit.

I feel really weird now. My major is in engineering, and my psychiatrist brought up a tutoring program for students in STEM majors...students with disabilities. He said I could apply for the program if we call my anxiety a disability.

Now I've felt stupid, broken, fucked up beyond repair...but I have trouble thinking of myself as disabled. I take medication but no ones given me a real diagnosis. PTSD? Rape trauma syndrom? Just anxiety? I don't know what to call it but nothing seems valid. I wish I had a name for it other than just depression. It's hard to sum up my ”disability” in one word. I wish somebody would give me a diagnosis already.

July 2016

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