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Starting off.

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway , 25 September 2012 · 3 views

I see my psychiatrist every two weeks. We've been trying since the beginning of summer to find a good balance of meds. The semester started a month or so ago and he's still adding new prescriptions. Of course every session involves a series of questions about how I've been since the last appointment. It seems like at the end of the week, I can't even remember what I did on Monday, let alone what happened the week before.

The things that bother me aren't flashbacks or nightmares or anything. What I call my "anxiety" is composed of chills that shake my body, even in a hot room, a dirty, cringing feeling in my sexual areas, and emotional sensitivity like heartache which isn't normal for me.

Like today, I started a fight with my boyfriend and walked away to a forest area where I could cry and no one would see me. I fought with him because I was overly sensitive about some of the things he said, and when I walked away it made it worse. After we talked about it and made up, everything felt better.

Then while I was trying to study, I kept getting distracted by chills and that creepy feeling in my "lady parts". At one point I was shaking so bad that it felt like my body was vibrating. That's when I took my anxiety pill and I think it helped a little.

I'm trying to start keeping track of these little things. I jotted some stuff down in my daily planner, and I made this blog so maybe I can update it throughout the day, maybe even record what times I take my meds.

All I have for my notes today is what I said above, and that my fight with my fiance brought up a conversation about my assertiveness. That's important because that's something my therapist keeps bringing up. I think the fight had a positive outcome despite how emotionally draining it was.

I think that's all for today.


Well it's almost midnight. I still have a ton of engineering homework to do. I haven't even been slacking, I've been studying since I got home! Well I took a ”study aid” to help me stay up and finish this shit. I hope it doesn't interfere with my medication. I keep getting the chills and cringes when my fiance isn't in the room. Ugh, I better make it to class tomorrow. I'm not doing all this work for nothing.

:metoyou: Take good care of you.


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