Chills and cringes ((TW))

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Wednesday.

18 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

Stupid poem.

I don't know what to do anymore. I try, but I don't understand anything. I'm not as smart as the boys are. Maybe there's a reason there aren't many girls in engineering.

My meds don't help. I don't think they ever did. That shit can't fix my brain. I'll still take the Zoloft, but I'm...

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Tuesday.

17 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

I'm finally home. I was only gone a few days but it felt so much longer. I got home last night and had to go straight back to school this morning. I missed group and 2 classes on Monday. I guess it was worth it though.

It turns out that I was right- my exam was too easy to be true. I failed it hard. I'm really pissed at my self but...

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Thursday.

12 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

Drinking last night was obviously a bad idea. I still made it to my exam, super lightheaded and hungover. The test was pretty easy so i'm worried that I did it wrong. I've been getting brain zaps all day, and what I think are body memories (the weird cringing feeling in my privates). I have another exam tomorrow, and lots and lots of...

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Wednesday.

10 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

It's been a long day of struggling with my classes. Minutes and hours are bleeding away as I get stuck on each problem. You'd think the class would be easier the second time around...

I've been borrowing money from my mom for bills and basic things that I should have taken care of. Today I realized an overdraft charge left me...

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Tuesday.

09 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

I grow more frustrated with myself every day.

Still can't remember my dreams. I figured out the right times to take my meds, but I don't think they're helping much.

I have a civil engineering test and an electrical engineering test this week. This is my second time taking CE since I failed last semester. I was following along on a...

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Monday.

08 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

I barely updated this weekend. I've been so down and out of it. I did absolutely no school work and I am so pissed at myself for that.

I'm starting group today. It's a hot day but I keep getting chills. I'm so scared... I'm skipping my second class so I can pick up my medication and go home. Maybe drawing will help me...

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Friday.

05 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

So much self hate today. I can barely get out of bed. I can't afford to miss my second class. I have a t appointment today too and I have no idea how to explain how I've been feeling to her.

I'm miserable and I hate myself for it.

~~
I never elaborated on what happened yesterday.. I should probably write it down now so I have...

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Thursday.

04 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

Today has been... Weird I guess. I woke up just in time to make it to my first class. The next class was my calc 4 exam and I have no idea how I did. Went home, fought with my fiance, had a mental breakdown, heading back to class... Idk, it's really confusing right now. I'll try to write more later.

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Wednesday.

03 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

It's a new day. I can do it today. Only two classes, I can make through both of them. I have to stay on campus anyways for my psych appointment.

I kept my meds down and I woke up (relatively) on time. I didn't shower but still... I'd say so far, so good.

~~
I made it through both classes. I didn't stay on campus to wait for...

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Tuesday.

02 October 2012

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway

Fuck fuck fuck I threw up my medicine.
I took the white one before I got up. When I woke up I took two blues, one yellow. I waited for my stomach to settle and it kept getting worse, till I had to run to the bathroom. I hope I didn't fuck up too bad cause I can't afford to miss class if i'm feeling shitty.

~~
God I hate myself. I...

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