Can't keep female friends
I got a call from one of my female former coworkers. Not a big deal, but I was never that close to this girl and she always considered us friends for some reason.
Another girl who I used to be friends with is also back on the island. This is the girl I almost told about my SA, which would have been the first time telling anyone other than my fiance, but I chickened out. We did shrooms with her and her bf, I ended up pissing off my fiance, and in the midst of a heavy trip this girl asked me why I was with him. This offended me even though she apologized later. I just kind of broke off contact with her after that. Then she left, and now she's back trying to get in touch with me.
So the girl who just called me left a message suggesting we three all hang out. I don't particularly want to hang out with these two, or really consider myself friends with them, but I don't want to be up front with them and hurt their feelings.
I've recently been repairing my friendship with a different girl. This girl is super awkward and nerdy like I am, so she's kind of easy to chill with. The thing is, I even avoid her sometimes. Like I won't text her back or answer her calls. I don't want to be mean but sometimes I just don't have the energy to be social.
So i'm probably the rudest person in the world and I don't know why. I find it easier to hang out with and talk to guys than girls, even though I was assaulted. I wonder if it's because of that girl's role in my assault? Maybe because she used friendship to trick me... Anyways, I don't hate these girls or anything, I just felt weird after I got that call. Distracted me from studying, I thought it would help to write this out. Thanks for listening <3