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The Island with no lights

Posted by ptsdthrowmeaway , 16 September 2012 · 22 views

((Possible trigger warning/ uncensored))


I haven't had much to say lately. I wish I could reach out and be more supportive to other girls on here, but I never know the right thing to say. I know that even just letting someone know that I care is better than saying nothing, but I can never get the wording right. Sorry I'm short on words. But tonight I found myself thinking about a night that happened a few days before my neighbor raped me.

On December 26, 2009, there was a thunder storm over the island of Oahu. Lightning hit the power grid, 5 times, causing the entire island to lose power. When the power goes out in Hawaii, everyone goes out into the street to talk story and make plans. I sat on the stairwell smoking cigarettes with the Resident Manager. Spent the night trying to figure out whether or not I had work in the morning. Our building had a generator that kept the emergency lights on, as well as the electronic door lock on all doors and elevators.

I couldn't sleep that night. I had insomnia a lot at this time. When I did sleep, it would be spotty, for an hour at a time. I woke up early to my neighbors. I can't remember whether they were fighting or having sex. Whatever I was hearing was making me very uncomfortable, so I decided to get ready for work early and catch the first bus to the Air Force base where I was working.

I thought I had enough time to get to the bus stop. When I went into the hallway, the emergency lights were off. I walked down the stairs and realized the light was off on the electronic door lock. I tried my magnetic key and it didn't respond. I realized I wouldn't be able to get back inside if I closed the door, so I left it just barely shut- so that it was resting on the frame without engaging the lock. It was 4am, I figured no one would be going in or out.

I remember seeing my neighbor as I walked down the street. It was so dark, I could barely tell if it was him or not. All I could see was his shining grin. He waved at me so I knew it was him, and I waved back and hurried to the bus stop.

This particular bus departs about an hour apart every time. After sitting at the bus stop for about 20 minutes, I realized I must have missed my bus. I wasn't in the safest area for 4:30am so I decided to try to go back to my place, and I decided that if the door was still unlocked, I would go back to sleep and skip work. Of course when I got there, the front door was locked, impossible to open even with my key. I was frustrated but I saw it coming. So I went back to the bus stop to wait it out.

I don't know why this memory has been coming back up lately. I find it strange that the thing that woke me up was noise from my neighbors' apartment, when I saw my neighbor walking up the street on my way out. I'm sure it was him because I saw him walk up to the building. So he was the one who let the door lock. I wasn't mad about that though.

I wonder if that was the night that Caitlin cheated on Dice. To make it clear, Caitlin was the one who was renting the apartment. Dice was the "neighbor" I ran into on the street. When they coerced me into their apartment a few days later, Caitlin told me she had cheated on him with his two brothers...I've written about their whole deal over and over in this blog so I'm going to cut it short here. My point is, maybe I couldn't sleep because I could hear her and his "brothers" going at it. Or maybe he had already found out and they had been fighting about one of the girls that they tried before me....

It doesn't matter, this is just a weird memory that sticks out in my head from that span of time. It's weird because I felt so peaceful that night. Even though I had used that opportunity to text a couple of my exes to see if the power was out everywhere. Just thought writing this out might help me figure out why it sticks out so much. So strange.

I was just a leaf blowing in the wind around that time. Too bad I didn't get my head on straight sooner.

May 2015

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