am i ready to face the pain? am i ready to face the truth? can i get myself to move on from the past? can i continue to live with the nightmares, the flashbacks, the pain, the fear, or the truth? am i ready to try to tell again? will i be told that im just a little slut again? will i be slapped and get told that if im going to be a slut like my mother to get out? will i lose all hope? will i lose all feeling? will i lose all my self esteem and courage? will i always live in fear? will i always have to look around every courner even in my own home where those things didnt happen to me at? will i always have the night terrors that make me cry in my sleep and claw my boyfriend? will i always have to feel so numb to almost every emotion or intimate actions? am i to blame? am i to blame for the times that i wanted that feeling of love that i didnt realize wasnt love at all? when will i be able to go on with my life and be more at peace with my past and how i was treated? why do i still feel this pain today? what made me tell my grandma that first time? what gave me the courage to tell her again years later? why did i let it go on for 13years? why did i let him put me through that pain? that torcher? that agony? why did he pick me? why did he have to prey apon such a young child? why did he choose the weak and innocent? why wont these images go away? why cant i even enjoy cuddling with my boyfriend in our bed, in our home? why does just a kiss or my boyfriend brushing hair out of my face trigger a night terror? so many questions but only a few continously run through my head and those are the fallowing. why me? why did i just let him do those things? what has he done to my body? but most of all what have i done?