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It offends me. The obscenity of it. Not that all rape isn’t obscene but the betrayal, the corruption of the uniform. The Uniform is symbolic; it is supposed to represent those that serve the greater good, that help others and that strive to be: Honest, Trustworthy, Kind, Cheerful, Considerate, Clean, and Wise in the use of Resources. He was none of these.
Not only was he none of them, he was the total corruption of most.
He lied. He manipulated people, situations and me. He perverted what was said and done to meet his need and desires. He ripped my ability to trust away from me. He betrayed his promise. He warped my life and development. He forced me to experience a betrayal no one should have to know about, let alone live through. He exposed me to a filth that I have yet to wash from my soul. He took that what should have been seen as truth and beauty and killed it, twisting it into dark violence, and unbearable sorrow.
And he did it wearing his uniform, and beads. http://i48.tinypic.com/acwrvt.jpg
I don’t know if I can make some one not committed to the movement understand just how great a betrayal this was, how truly obscene. For him to do this, in his uniform, it defies words. Perhaps only other leaders, truly committed leaders, who seek to put the youth in their care first, can begin to understand. That he would rape and abuse me is heinous, that he would damage a child put into his care unforgivable, but to do so in uniform, places him forever beneath contempt, there is no redemption.
The beads, they are a symbol all their own. They are a physical link to the history and traditions of the movement. They symbolize learning and striving and trying to better ones self. They are longed for and sought after. They hang on the necks of the very best leaders we know, and most want to emulate. Two little pieces of wood on a leather thong, that’s it, there is nothing special about how they are made, no mystery in their construction. Their sole worth is symbolic. And yet Leaders value them. They wear them under their clothes, pass them on to children, asked to be buried with them, put them on reverently, and wear them proudly. That they were on the neck of a rapist is an abomination. That I am forced to relive memories of the beads hitting my face while I was raped, an absolute total perversion, a betrayal beyond words or measure.
Not only was he none of them, he was the total corruption of most.
He lied. He manipulated people, situations and me. He perverted what was said and done to meet his need and desires. He ripped my ability to trust away from me. He betrayed his promise. He warped my life and development. He forced me to experience a betrayal no one should have to know about, let alone live through. He exposed me to a filth that I have yet to wash from my soul. He took that what should have been seen as truth and beauty and killed it, twisting it into dark violence, and unbearable sorrow.
And he did it wearing his uniform, and beads. http://i48.tinypic.com/acwrvt.jpg
I don’t know if I can make some one not committed to the movement understand just how great a betrayal this was, how truly obscene. For him to do this, in his uniform, it defies words. Perhaps only other leaders, truly committed leaders, who seek to put the youth in their care first, can begin to understand. That he would rape and abuse me is heinous, that he would damage a child put into his care unforgivable, but to do so in uniform, places him forever beneath contempt, there is no redemption.
The beads, they are a symbol all their own. They are a physical link to the history and traditions of the movement. They symbolize learning and striving and trying to better ones self. They are longed for and sought after. They hang on the necks of the very best leaders we know, and most want to emulate. Two little pieces of wood on a leather thong, that’s it, there is nothing special about how they are made, no mystery in their construction. Their sole worth is symbolic. And yet Leaders value them. They wear them under their clothes, pass them on to children, asked to be buried with them, put them on reverently, and wear them proudly. That they were on the neck of a rapist is an abomination. That I am forced to relive memories of the beads hitting my face while I was raped, an absolute total perversion, a betrayal beyond words or measure.
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Trigger Warning
This Blog contains real words, detailed descriptions, and raw content. Please be aware that some people may find certain elements disturbing or triggering. I urge you to be mindful of that fact, and proceed with caution
