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Well here is my story
Please be aware that this a fairly detailed story and may be very triggering
The year I turned 17 I joined SC. By the time Easter came, K had already started grooming me. He had told my boyfriend at the time that I had herpes to convince him to break up with me, and had been telling “blue” jokes, answering his door in his under-ware etc.
That June things came to a head the Saturday of Fathers day weekend. K said he would give me a lift home from an event that the organization had held.
That was the first time he kissed me. I remember saying we shouldn’t be doing this and he said your right but I was so thrilled, “wow this older guy likes me”
At the end of the month my little brother was born and it was very tough on me – I felt like I was being replaced. After I went to the hospital to see him I was crying hard and did not want to go home yet - my mom would have just made things worse so I went to K’s. He had told all of us in the group his door was always open if we needed to talk.
When I got there he got me to lay down on the floor on a camp mat and gave me a massage – with a hand vibrator and his hands kept sliding between my legs, I didn’t know what to do, I was uncomfortable but at the same time it was “just a massage” and it did feel good so…
Two weeks later my SC group had an outing and K said that he and I could go up the night before and set up – the others had to work. So I let K drive me to camp (in the meantime I had been at K’s several times and there had been more kissing and a little fondling). On the way up to camp he said he wanted to show me something, so he pulled off and parked at a forest with trails, he walked me in for a short while and then tugged me off the path “ I just want you to see this clearing and we can be alone for a minute” he said.
We started kissing and touching then somehow we were on the grass, he started touching me under my clothes and I said I didn’t want to do it. I said I wasn’t ready to have sex yet. He replied OK we’ll just fool around a little.
In seconds he had my pants around my ankles and his penis was in me. I was so shocked. I couldn’t move, all I could do is whimper. He stroked away slowly as if he had all the time in the world and the whole time part of his uniform was banging against my face. (I can still see it 21 years later, that and my hands on his shoulders with my fingers pushed out as if I could push him away)
After he was finished he stood up and tucked himself back inside his pants and commented that he loved to see the look on a virgins face when he “made love” to one, he said it was the best look in the world.
I started to cry and pulled my pants back up. He kissed me and walked me back to his car and told me it was perfectly normal for virgins to cry the first time - the emotions of making love were just so over whelming at first. I curled myself around my pillow and cried the rest of the way to the camp 4 hours away.
At the camp he told me repeatedly things like I was beautiful, how much he wanted me, how special I was, that He loved me and wasn’t it wonderful that I loved him too. And that we should get married when I was old enough.
After the camp he drove me home – but stopped at his place first and he did it again but this time I let him, he made my body feel good and I even came.
Over the next 9 months he convinced me that we were meant to be together and we would be married – we just had to keep it a secret for now. He had me convinced no one but him understood me, that my mom was out to get me and my dad didn’t really love me.
At various times during this period I was told I had to date people my own age and sleep with them for a cover story but then when I did he would punish me calling me whore and telling me I was dirty while he violently restrained me and stuck his penis in me with no lubrication and little or no consideration for me.
If I displeased him in some way I would be punished too. I might be tied spread eagle to his bed and used, I might be forced to the point of orgasm repeatedly and left there with no release, I might be forced to come over and over until the slightest touch was torture and still he kept stroking until I was past begging for it to stop and crying from the pain. I was tied face down on his bed and beaten with the metal antenna from a radio. There was no end to the number of ways in which I might be punished and no way to know what I might have done to “deserve” it until he told me.
And still I stayed, I thought he loved me and I thought I loved him
Things finally came to a head shortly after he rammed me up against a wall banging my head against it because he did not like that I disagreed with some thing about his kids. (boys 10 & 13). I finally left
That is when the stalking started: one ring phone calls, guys I dated had their house/ cars vandalized, a ladder was found outside my bedroom window, little “gifts” would show up overnight at the backdoor, it was awful. It went on for years.
I finally went to the police and was told the stalking laws weren’t for me they were for people like movie stars, but I pushed and finally got a peace bond. At this time I had him permanently removed from SC and I did so on the condition of anonymity.
Now 21 years later I no longer have nightmares, I’ve worked hard and put my life back together, I have a loving family (still rebuilding with dad but we are getting there) and a stable relationship with a wonderful man. And I can even sleep with the lights out most of the time.
Then the phone rings; it is the police.
They have been going though the old SC files and see my name and K’s (who was later charged and convicted with child porn offences) so they contacted me looking for information did I remember him, was I aware of anyone he may have victimized?
I started to cry.
There was a long pause and then Detective M quietly asked if I was one of his victims?
When I said yes, M said he was very sorry to hear that but that if I was able he would really like to have me come down to the station and give them my statement. I said I didn’t know. M then informed me that in our jurisdiction all of the choices were up to me. I could make a statement and that could be the end of it, or that after they had my statement they could look into what charges maybe able to be laid and that it was entirely up to me what I wanted to do.
So I went down a few days later and spent one of the hardest 2 ½ hours of my life detailing every thing that went on. M was fantastic! He let me have all the time I needed to say what had to get said, and never once made me feel more embarrassed than I already was. His partner watched from the video booth so I only had to deal with telling one person. And never did M’s face show anything but concern.
I was told then that they would contact the lawyers to see what charges could be laid and that it might take a few days to a week to get back to me (since this is a “historical” case and the laws were different then). They called me the next day
I could have him charged with Sexual exploitation (ccc 153(1)a).
I can’t begin to tell you how hearing M say that made me feel. It was like having everything I went through validated – I had known for years it was wrong but now finally, after all this time, someone else, someone in authority, says it was wrong too.
I don’t know what I will do yet. I may not go through with pressing charges – if I do the press will be ALL over it because of the youth organization and I don’t know that I am ready to deal with all that. But 153 has no statute of limitations so I can take my time to decide and I will know what is right for me, when I know.
Telling M my statement has had an odd effect on me - after 21 years of silence I am possessed with a burning need to tell. I even told my dad, which went so much better than I ever thought it could. I told SC and they are now paying for my therapy as long as I need it. (Which right now I REALLY need as I am having flash backs for the first time in years)
And now I’ve told it here
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This Blog contains real words, detailed descriptions, and raw content. Please be aware that some people may find certain elements disturbing or triggering. I urge you to be mindful of that fact, and proceed with caution