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Clove45's Blog


Bunny rabbit

Posted by Clove45 , 09 March 2013 · 29 views

I was on the wrestling team in high school. Probably not all that common for people sexually abused as children, but for me it was an awesome coping tool. The workouts were extreme. I was allowed (and in some cases encouraged) to crash diet. Wrestling itself put me in some obviously triggering positions, but then I was allowed to "explode" and fig...


I'm not Superman (nightmares)

Posted by Clove45 , 22 July 2012 · 28 views

I do a lot for my partners. I've loved everyone I've been with in one way or another. Not all of them understand that, because I don't show it the way many do, but it's true. But although all of them are/have been unique, none of them are quite like my wife. None of them have changed me to the same degree. She has successfully changed almo...


Grandma (TW: CSA, PA)

Posted by Clove45 , 17 July 2012 · 59 views

*sigh* I don't know why I resist talking about this so much. It's not as if I have any real reason to protect her. I guess I just feel bad because she's so old and she did do a lot for me. But it's not as if it's unfair. And it's not as if I'm not angry about it. I suppose I just had a lot going on at the time.

I said in my st...


Emotions are like a foreign language to me.

Posted by Clove45 , 17 July 2012 · 26 views

Most of my life, at least since I've been a teenager, I've been trying to keep my emotions under control. For a long time I did this using drugs and self-injury. I've also used extreme exercise, to the point that I was extremely unhealthy. I know both are just as bad as letting myself get out of control. They're just as destructive. Yet I...

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